Monday 3 February 2014

Monday again after a hard week and were in february can you believe!!

Well I cant believe we are back round at Monday again and a new month February,  I actually hate January the darkness not to mention the rain its been awful so I am glad to be waving goodbye to that month, I'm guessing its an all round feeling as most will be glad that month is behind us.

I haven't posted much in the last week just because I have had so much going on in my own life and thoughts, I have generally been telling you about Liam over different posts over my blog and how I thought this might be a turning point of getting him sorted out, however every different health care professional that I have spoken to say the same thing we will do this and refer him to these people and so on - they walk off into the distance and I never hear from them again, leaving me not really knowing which way to turn, which is not helpful at all. I know they are stretched for time and I know that they are always short of staff etc but I am a mum that is silently screaming inside knowing that he needs help but have been losing hope and trust with these professionals.

Anyway this has all come to a head this week, after the health visitor rang to see how we are getting on - she is new and fresh the old one is retiring, she asked if she could come out and visit us at home of course I agreed once here she asked lots of questions about how we cope day to day the problems that I think Liam is encountering and to be quite honest I just sobbed, gosh and once I started I honestly couldn't stop I told her how I felt helpless towards Liam how I blamed myself maybe if I did things differently better he wouldn't be the way he is, I also told her I resent him - yes that's right resent him, you may be asking how can you resent your own child but its true I don't take him to friends houses because of the way he behaves everywhere we go and everything we do I feel as though he ruins days out, days in you can never have a peaceful day although he is slightly better since he has started school, most days is a struggle with him just the school walk home turns into a battle most days, I want him to come home and every time I let go of his hand he is turning round and running in the opposite direction meaning I have to drag him home, trying to push the pushchair and pull him along is really hard work. 

Liam was on form, so she could see his behaviour for herself after throwing some bricks at her and her colleague and punching Adam in the face, leaving him with a split lip she made a decision that he needed pushing forward urgently and she has rang me everyday since, she keeps saying how sorry she is and says she feels like all the professionals have failed us as a family - I don't feel like that I just feel relieved that someone has listened and has seen for themselves the behaviour that Liam demonstrates daily I just wish it hadn't taken us this long to get here. I cant help but feel like we have been going round in circles for so long, we are never going to get there so this week has been a mass of emotions for myself, its kind of dragged up lots of thoughts I have tried not to think about, things that I have buried deep inside my head that I haven't wanted to think about - I have refused to but this last week has definitely got the better of me I have just wanted to shut myself away from the world and sleep, emotions are so draining.

Having said all that today is Monday a new week and a fresh
start so I am shutting the door on last week and were moving forward into this week hopefully, This week I have a fresh recipe, a lovely valentines competition starting plus some lovely reviews and also I have a twitter party which were helping to host at the end of the week but I will be giving you all the details of that in another post to follow later in the week.   

What are you all doing this week? its always lovely to hear you thoughts.       

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