My Breast Cancer journey - The Results are in!

On Monday the 7th of October, I was called in to meet with my oncologist for the very first time, during my journey I have only had to meet with my breast consultant who is lovely I had been quite apprehensive about meeting him not just because he is a new consultant to me, but because it was in oncology - a place where I started my journey in the NHS I was a health care assistant there for five years before I went to do my nursing training I learnt so much there, I gained a lot of friends some of whom I am still friends with now, it taught me a lot about life and also a lot about cancer which I am not sure is such a good thing now I am a cancer patient myself sometimes knowledge is not a good thing.

I met with my consultant he was friendly and really nice enough I felt at ease, I sat myself down in the chair and I could see my results on the computer screen my OncotypeDX score was high which means my reoccurrence score is high, in a nutshell, I have got to have chemotherapy.

I have been really well since my mastectomy surgery and in actual fact the last few weeks I have felt a bit of a fraud having time off work, I have felt really positive and motivated somehow in my little brain I thought my journey was going to be over I had envisaged my score to be low,. I thought the oncologist would give me hormone treatment in the way of tablets for the next ten years and that would be that I would be skipping back to work before Christmas.

It wasn't meant to be I am now facing at least another four months off work, I have eight sessions of chemotherapy ahead of me I will have one session then a three-week break then another session then a three-week break and so on until I get to number eight. I know the chemotherapy Journey is going to be a long and gruelling one and honestly this week I have been in shock, I try to pretend its fine I will get through it and I will, I have to, but inside I just feel so sad and scared, I'm not scared for me I'm scared for the kids in the last ten years I have had four c-sections a hysteroscopy and a mastectomy and nothing has bought me to my knees I am so frightened that this is going to make me ill enough so I cant look after the kids.

The Consultant went on to explain some of the most common side effects, Nausea, vomiting diarrhoea, constipation a sore mouth and throat, taste changes, bruising or bleeding, tiredness and feeling weak, anaemia, numbness or tingling of the hands and feet, fluid retention, watery eyes, I will lose my hair within the first three weeks and I could lose my nails - I need to stay away from people with infections as my immunity will be low (easier said than done when you have five children that are walking bugs!) I also had to sign a disclaimer that says in rare cases chemotherapy can cause death - Its not surprising that I left the appointment and sobbed and sobbed I have just been so positive and felt so well - I just kept thinking Why does it have to be me? What have I done wrong? needless to say, I haven't really felt great this week smiling on the outside but on the inside, I'm cracking. Next week is a new week though next week I am going to find my motivation again, next week I am going to try not to overthink, I'm going to try to enjoy the half term with the kids I know I will get through this for myself and my family

I won't ever give up.

Oncotype DX Breast recurrence score

Its been a while since I blogged anything about my breast cancer journey you might ask why? it seems, in the beginning, everything was one appointment after the next for my MRI scan multiple biopsies then, following on from all of that prodding and poking my surgery for my mastectomy and now nothing well thats what it feels like to me anyway.

Last week I got my results from my mastectomy, some good news some not so good news, let me tell you the good news first I have no lymph node spread which is great, hopefully that means that the breast cancer won't randomly turn up in some other part of my body in years to come, the consultants can never say never but I am staying positive. The consultant thinks that she has managed to get rid of all of the breast cancer, the margins the consultant says are clear so technically I should be cancer-free which I'm really happy about. Now the not so good news the monster that was taking over my breast was four cms instead of three cms which was the size the MRI scan gave, I was actually quite surprised by this as I thought that MRI scans were as accurate as accurate could be, there were also smaller satellite masses one was half a cm the other was one cm in the words of the consultant it was a very busy breast.

I thought at this appointment I would have a treatment plan at least so I know what's happening next but the next bit was hard to swallow they are sending my breast tissue to California seems hardly fair that a part of me is visiting the states without me! Its going to the states because its one of the only places in the world that will look at all the cancer cells and they will then give me an accurate number of my reoccurrence, meaning how likely it is that the breast cancer will return then based on this the consultant will make a decision on my next stage of treatment.

OncotypeDX testing what is it? 

All breast cancers are different and some carry hormone receptors some don't my breast cancer was HER2 negative and Oestrogen positive stage 2

To be considered for OncotypeDX testing you have to fall into a specific category:

• Are newly diagnosed with early-stage invasive breast cancer. 
• Have cancer cells that are ER+ (Oestrogen positive)
• Have cancer cells that are HER2 negative.
• Are either lymph node-negative or have up to three lymph nodes that are positive.   

As you can see I fall completely into the specific guidelines for the testing the test takes around two weeks to complete and The Oncotype DX test is a molecular diagnostic test that analyses the individual biology of a breast cancer tumour by examining the activity of 21 genes in the tumour tissue. At the end you get given a score between one and one hundred the lower the score the less the need for chemotherapy and the less likely my breast cancer is going to reoccur, the higher the score the consultant may recommend chemotherapy alongside hormone therapy and it will tell me that there is a high chance the breast cancer will come back. however it's not inclusive the consultant will discuss this with me at my appointment and it will be a mutual decision between us as to what is the right thing for myself once the results are in.

Scores made simple: 

• Women with a score of 0 to 25 who are over the age of 50 won’t get any benefit from having chemotherapy in addition to hormone therapy.

• Women who have a score of 26 or above and are over the age of 50 are likely to benefit from having chemotherapy in addition to hormone therapy.

• Women with a score of 0 to 15 who are aged 50 or under won’t get any benefit from having chemotherapy in addition to hormone therapy.

• Women who have a score of 16 or above and are aged 50 or under, your specialist will discuss your test result with you to help decide if you’re likely to benefit from chemotherapy.

That is the simplest way to explain the test and how it works for me now it's a waiting game to find out what the future of treatment holds for me I am still eagerly awaiting my appointment from the oncologist and then there is the breast reconstruction to consider, but to be honest until all the treatment side of things is out of the way its not even within my thoughts its not priority. Cancer isn't something that you seem to be able to think about long term well I don't find it easy to think to the future you just have to take each day and appointment as it comes and for me the worst part is waiting but I can't change what the future holds I believe its already written. 

My Breast Cancer Journey - Getting prepared for a mastectomy

Its been just over a week since my single mastectomy and my next post will document just that, I wrote part of this post before I went into hospital, I have been finding it really difficult to write exactly what I have been thinking and feeling because its been awash with thoughts of cancer and as you can imagine or know it has been a really stressful time.

How exactly do you prepare for a mastectomy? I don't think as a woman you ever quite will be prepared for this sort of surgery its not only the physical appearance you have to think about its emotionally painful when I think about it, honestly I would rather lose a hand, I know its only appearance but in this day and age, appearance, not just to me, although it shouldn't matter for most of us it really does matter. In the twenty-first century, though there are a lot of bands around now that make really beautiful feminine underwear, the breast prosthesis you can get are actually really stunning and lifelike and the reconstructive surgery, its truly amazing what the surgeons can achieve.

However, despite all of this and the fact that mastectomies are becoming more and more common this sort of surgery should not be downplayed.

I have to say I was so stressed the night before the operation, I found it difficult to think I found my mind was working in overdrive trying to imagine just what I was going to look like and of course I'm only human I imagined I would look like a monster I thought it would be horrifically ugly. After the surgery, I was pleasantly surprised it actually doesn't look that bad and the surgery was nowhere near as bad as I thought honestly try not to overthink things, I know its easier said than done.

I thought rather than me going on I would give you my top tips on preparing for a mastectomy, of course, there may be things I have missed but hopefully, this will help others that are going through the same thing or that are in a similar situation to myself.

Preparing for a Mastectomy 

1. Communication, Obviously, your body image is going to be drastically altered, so open communication is an absolute must. Communicate your true feelings, hopes and fears to your partner if you have one or a friend, a relative whoever you are close too, but first, admit them to yourself. Consider keeping a diary or just writing down all your feeling where you can really let it all out. 
2. Grieve, like anything we lose or are about to loose we grieve its normal to be sad/angry if you need to cry, cry, scream and shout just let it all out and if this isn't enough do it again. After all, this is a huge deal.
3. Clean your house, sounds ridiculous but after a mastectomy, you are not actually going to know how long you are going to be feeling poorly for and your not supposed to do anything too strenuous for at least four weeks at least if the house has been cleaned from top to bottom before you go into hospital it will hopefully stay relatively clean - I also cleaned mine because I have been stressed and generally tend to clean more when I'm worried about things.
4. Stock up, I made sure I had got plenty of food in the cupboards to eat if you like batch cooking you could also do this and freeze meals so it makes like just that little bit easier. I also did a shop online before I went into hospital, for later on in the week so I knew I hadn't got to worry about doing another shop and I knew we wouldn't run out of food.
5. Buy some bigger clothes, this is one of my top tips I made sure I went into the hospital with a shirt on that was purposely too big. After surgery your not going to be able to lift your arm up in the air so it is ideal to have shirts, I also bought PJs that were front buttoning they are also two sizes too big, you really don't want them to be too small or tight as your going to be pretty sore for a while. 
6. Take time to think, think about your reconstruction I went with the consultant's advice and I am having a delayed reconstruction later after treatment but there are so many different reconstruction options these days and there fabulous but obviously all come with there own risks, do your research and make an informed choice.
7. Seek out support, there are loads of Breast cancer charities now that offer free helplines if you have a burning question or you just need to chat to someone that has been through the same thing don't be afraid to utilise these services they're all there to help.
8. Take a photo of your breasts, I take photos of everything on a daily basis but this is something I didn't do, I really wish I had it will help with the grieving process and on a practical note it might help with the reconstruction, matching up you breasts and also if you wanted to have a nipple tattoo, later on, it could help with matching up the colours.
9. Be prepared for drains, I was lucky I didn't have a drain in after my surgery but many mastectomy patients do, you can buy post-surgical dressing gowns and pyjamas from the likes of Marks & Spencers and Asda they have bigger pockets so you have somewhere to put your drain or you could take a small shopping tote bag it would do the job just as well.
10. Pillows, sleeping isn't the easiest when you have just been diagnosed with cancer but after a major operation, it can be even more difficult, make sure you have plenty of pillows to get yourself comfortable id also try and identify somewhere else you could potentially sleep just in case the bed is too uncomfortable.

My last bit of advice is to take each day as it comes and deal with the now, be kind to yourself remember you got, this keep smiling. 

My Breast Cancer Journey - Telling the kids I have cancer

I'm sure that I've gone through many of the same stages that anyone diagnosed with cancer has, including denial, anger, grief and acceptance.

But telling the kids I have Breast Cancer is by far one of the hardest things I have had to do on this journey so far. The feeling of actual pain I felt when I told the kids really hurt me it, it was worse than any physical pain I have felt it was heartbreaking to know it was going to hurt them and this was something I couldn't protect them from.

When I have told people that the kids know that I have Breast cancer most are surprised, a lot of people think I didn't have to tell them or that I shouldn't have told them, nothing is ever that black and white, Kids have a radar they know when something is going on, they know when people are telling them to leave rooms or whispering in corners, which causes them to be anxious and they begin second-guessing which is natural and is exactly what happened with my children, this is also the reason I decided to be as open and as honest as I possibly could with them.

I found Adam sat at the bottom of the stairs tears rolling down his little cheeks I had to ask him several times what was the matter before he managed to mutter, I don't want you to have an operation mummy, it broke me at that point I didn't know what to say, I hadn't prepared to have to explain myself to a seven-year-old, that although mummy looked very well, mummy was very sick, for a moment time stood still, I put my arms around him and picked him up, sat him on my knee I cuddled him, while I composed myself trying not to let him see that I was going to cry. I held him for a while and told him that I would talk to him and Liam (my 9 year old) later and for now to try not to worry, mummy would talk to them both when the babies had gone to bed, maybe I should have spoken to him then, but I needed to prepare and think about exactly what and how I was going to tell them both I just needed a bit more time.

later that evening I sat them both down, I made them put down there games consoles and listen I told them I had cancer, I told them I had cancer in my boobie - this they could understand there was a little giggle between them - of course, the word boobie and boys of seven and nine are bound to have a giggle, Liam looked at me and said I know what cancer is mummy its a rogue cell isn't it mummy and if it spreads somewhere else you will die, Adam said are you going to die, mummy,?

I told them that I was going to try my hardest to get better, I wish I could have promised them I was going to get better I am 90% positive I am of course going to get better and Cancer isn't going to beat me, but I can't promise them because I don't know.

I explained to them that most importantly they couldn't catch it and if they wanted to ask me any questions they could, I also explained I would have to go to the hospital, maybe stay for a few days whilst they took my boobie away to get rid of cancer which is a nasty bug. I also might have to have more medicine after my operation because cancer sometimes takes more than just an operation to get rid of, I also told them we could talk more about once I knew what medicine (if any fingers crossed) that I would have to have.

They both seemed to take in what I was telling them well the boys were as alright as they would ever be about the situation and you know I felt a sense of relief, relief that it was out in the open, relief that they could openly talk about it.

I wasn't prepared for the next day - I wasn't prepared for the four-year-old Jack to ask me mummy do you have cancer? the boys had been talking and he had overheard.

When I had told the older two boys the night before I had just got it into my head that the twins and Jack were too young to understand and there was absolutely no point in me telling them - now here I was looking into the big green eyes of my baby boy wondering what I was going to say - I nodded and said yes Jack mummy has got cancer.

I wasn't prepared for the question nor his reaction he burst into tears I couldn't stop myself before I knew it I was crying with him, I said to him its a really nasty bug Jack but the hospital and doctors are going to look after mummy he pointed at me and said which one has the nasty bug mummy and I pointed to my left side, he then said I thought cancer would make you dead - now I don't think he quite understands the concept of dead but I explained again mummy was going to try her very bestest to get better so we could keep having lots of fun. He nodded and said don't worry mummy I will look after you and with that he was gone playing with his cars.

I should never have underestimated Jack but honestly I thought when I told the oldest two boys he was just too little to understand and take any of it in - I was wrong but I'm glad now we can deal with things as a family if one of the boys are feeling sad or I'm feeling sad and unwell we can talk things through.

If they're scared or need to tell me how they're feeling at least they don't feel like they can't or they are not allowed to talk about Cancer, they know that its not their fault, children often think if they listen to something that they shouldn't have they will be in trouble and hold onto their thoughts and feelings and of course I don't want them to feel guilty or feel like they carry a burden of keeping a secret.

It is the best decision that I have made to get it all out in the open but not an easy conversation to have and Jack now tells complete strangers in the street my mummy has cancer but kids will be kids, I'm glad, I'm glad I decided to be honest with them.

Something I have already come to realise, is that a lot of people don't like to talk about cancer, but it is a subject that needs to be talked about, people, unfortunately, need to be aware that this shitty disease it is a part of life, the more we talk about it the more people have a chance, a chance at life.

The more awareness we have the more people can be treated early and their lives can be saved. So keep talking and keep sharing! #BreastCancerAwareness   

My Breast Cancer Journey - More bad news

Monday 22nd July 

The day I went for my MRI scan, a scan you say easy I thought it would be easy it was bloody horrific laying on my front with my boobs in what could only be described as a basket for 35 minutes it wasn't a nice experience at all, I have seen MRI scans so many times from behind the glass window but being in one, it was so noisy even with headphones over my ears at one point I was really frightened I shed a few tears while I laid in there on my own.

Thursday 25th July 

Today was the day I got my results from the MRI on that I had had on Monday, The consultant was hoping the MRI scan would show the mass was small enough to perform a lumpectomy - a lumpectomy is where they just remove the lump leaving the breast in place so it conserves the rest of the breast and tissue.

However, the results were in and it was more bad news the results showed the mass was not just one mass or two it was multifocal meaning there were more than one or two masses there was around five or six masses one slightly larger and lots of little tumours around the primary mass. 

The MRI also showed the breast tissue has high-grade ductal carcinoma all around them the whole area was nine centimetres by seven centimetres so the cancer was far more extensive than originally thought, this meant there was no other way to remove the cancer, other than to have a full mastectomy it was a hard blow to swallow.

We talked through my options, the consultant told me if I wanted immediate breast reconstruction she could give me an implant which would probably leave me looking very odd, also the risk of infection was high and with me having to have second-line treatment after the mastectomy it would probably end up not being very nice. It would also be difficult to fix if it was to end up damaged or infected. 

The consultant recommended a mastectomy with delayed reconstruction would probably be the best thing for me as there was less risk of infection and the reconstruction, later on, would be easier for them to perform and would look a lot better.

It was a really difficult decision, I decided that I would go with her recommendation of the latter option, a full mastectomy with delayed reconstruction, although I would have to wait 18 months to two years for this, by then hopefully all this nightmare of a situation would be over and I would be properly healed.

I can't tell you what it feels like knowing you have got to go to surgery and have your breast removed and wake up flat. 

How would you feel if you were told you had got to have one of your breasts removed?

I have never really realised how much having boobs makes you feel like a woman, when you have had them all your life and someone tells you, you have got to have one taken away it just makes me feel really sad, I am dreading the surgery, dreading waking up flat, its not normal and things will never, ever be the same again implant or rebuild my boobs will never be what they were and never look the same.

On the plus side, I will be alive, the operation will be the start of my recovery, the start of me being cancer-free and the start of getting back to normal, although things will never be normal as I knew them before, maybe somewhere I can find a new kind of normal. The road to recovery is still a long way off and after surgery, no decisions have been made to what treatment I am having next so this is just the beginning.

 

BE BREAST AWARE #KnowYourBoobs

If you have been keeping up with my recent posts, you would know I have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, before I go on and tell you what's been happening with other appointments I thought now was a good time to share with you some statistics about Breast Cancer and remind everyone how important it is to check your boobs, I know, I know I don't want to teach you to suck eggs, really we all already know how important it is, but how many of us can actually put our hand on our heart and say we check our boobs regularly?

Checking our boobs should be at least in our weekly routine if not more frequently, for example, when you apply conditioner to your hair in the bath or shower, whilst you are leaving it in for a few minutes you could easily be checking both of your boobs for lumps bumps and changes if checking your boobs is not part of your routine, make it part of your routine.

Breast cancer Stats 

• (33%) of women aren’t regularly checking. A fifth (20%) say it’s because they don’t know how to check their breasts.

• Breast cancer is the most common cancer in the UK, 

• one person is diagnosed every 10 minutes.

• 1 in 8 women in the UK will develop breast cancer in their lifetime.

• Breast cancer survival is improving and has doubled in the past 40 years in the UK.

• Almost 9 in 10 women survive breast cancer for five years or more.

• Every year around 11,500 people die from breast cancer in the UK.

I wouldn't want anyone to go through the horrible situation that I'm in however if Breast Cancer  is Caught early it is very curable, so make sure you keep checking I can't tell you enough how important it is, check your boobs often, look at them in the mirror so you know them like the back of your hand that way it will be so much easier to notice any changes. be breast aware #KnowYourBoobs. 

*Statistic taken from Breast cancer care UK

I Have Breast Cancer

I keep saying it because I can barely believe it myself I have Breast Cancer I'm thirty-six years old, I have five children and I have Breast Cancer how can life be so bloody cruel.

4% THE NUMBER OF WOMEN UNDER 39 THAT GET BREAST CANCER 

physically I feel so well apart from having the odd pain in the breast I am no different to how I was a month ago except now I know, I know I have a monster growing in my breast one that is trying to suck the life out of me, how do I feel honestly, I am just numb I am talking about it to people telling friends, family, work colleagues as if its just something that has happened or happens to everyone its still does not feel real, my brain just isn't processing the information at this point.

Thursday 11th July Diagnosis and the plan 

Today was the day I was given my diagnosis, I went to the hospital with Ian and my sister by my side, to listen to the news I was almost expecting, the consultant said I'm really sorry its cancer - my reaction I didn't cry I think over the last week I had already prepared myself for the worst news possible they thought there were two small masses however they couldn't be sure as when they do a mammogram in women under fifty, breast tissue is quite dense so they can't always see cancer properly.

The consultant explained that because of how the cancer was sitting inside my breast, there were two small masses about two centimetres apart surrounded by microcalcifications (the beginnings of more cancer)

The Consultant thought that I would need to have a full mastectomy,  However, she wanted to be sure and said they were going to send me for an MRI which would give them a much more accurate view of what they were actually dealing with because of my young age if they could they would rather just perform a lumpectomy where they remove only the part with cancer so my boob would be saved.

The consultant had also organised blood to be taken an ECG and my pre-operation talk I was given leaflets, for practically everything I needed to know about breast cancer and a special folder to keep it all in, but no actual specific treatment plan yet.

I have no idea what they were talking about at that point it was just all too much my mind was drifting fixated on the folder, ironically I was thinking the last time I had a special folder and this many appointments I was having the twins, how I wish I could go back to then, I was so happy, now I just don't know what to think or feel I don't want a bloody operation nor do I want any treatment I just want it all to go away.

The Hospital said they're ninety percent sure I have Breast Cancer

Wednesday the 3rd of July

My Appointment is at the hospital, this time I had no kids to take with me, my mum and dad had offered to look after the girls for me and the boys were at school. My appointment was nice and early 9.30 I arrived, they promptly called me through to see the consultant, she was really lovely the staff told me to change into a gown which,  I did she examined my breast and felt the lump, smiled she said

"well there is no history of cancer in your family, you are young and fit I am quite sure it will be a cyst or fatty tissue, we will get you an ultrasound and if everything looks ok you will be discharged from there"

I was quite happy I went and waited outside the room to be called in.

I didn't have to wait long before I was called into the ultrasound room, once in the room, they asked me if I knew which breast that needed looking at?  I said yes the Left breast, they began the scan I say because there were two people looking at the screen they were pointing and sighing and zooming in and out, I couldn't really see what they were looking at or hear what they were saying they scanned booth breasts the person taking the ultrasound then turned to me and said

"we're not sure at the moment what we are looking at we want you to have a mammogram and come back to us after".

At this point, I felt nervous I dint understand what they had seen or why they were not discharging me, I'm 36 it cant be surely more than an abscess, fatty tissue or a cyst so off I went for the mammogram it wasn't really painful like some people had said just really uncomfortable and the room was freezing which didn't help matters.

Once the mammogram had all been done, it was back to the ultrasound room when I went inside they were both examining the mammogram they then explained to me what was going on, they told me that they were 90% sure that what the scans had shown up was something suspicious but they couldn't be sure without taking tissue samples, they then asked to take a biopsy an ultrasound-guided biopsy to be precise they also wanted to put a marker in my breast in case they needed to scan it again, I agreed.

It began, it was horrible anaesthetic first then they took approximately six biopsies all I could think was it can't be cancer I am only 36, what about the kids? how the hell am I going to cope with the kids and being ill who was going to look after them?

I could feel hot tears trickling down my face one of the radiographers pulled a tissue out the box and wiped my cheek, I couldn't speak I was really trying to be brave at that moment I didn't want to cry in front of these strangers, the biopsies seemed to go on for a lifetime all I could think was I just want to go home. When I came out of the ultrasound room.

I went running into my little sister's arms crying, she had been patiently waiting outside for me, I don't think she knew what to think or to say, I'm the one who has always looked after her and now she was taking my worries, trying to be the strong one, I didn't like the feeling at all, the radiographer moved us into a private room the tears didn't last long I don't think id really taken it all in.

Afterwards, I had to see the consultant again and do you know what? she apologised, apologised for saying she was confident it was nothing this time she had another lady with her in a different uniform a deep blue uniform, I looked at her name badge it said breast cancer specialist nurse, the consultant told me she would see me a week from this day with the results and left the room.

The nurse looked at me and said do you understand what you have just been told and I said

"Shes Telling Me I Have Cancer"

The nurse just looked at me and said I'm not going to sugar coat it yes she is but we have to wait for the official results first.

The rest is a blur I didn't really hear anything else I just kept looking at the clock and the door.

I had been at the hospital three hours I was in pain with my boob my brain could not process any more information, I wanted to go home and couldn't get out quick enough.

When I got home I was like a robot, I told my Mum and Dad they cried in fact I rang or messaged most of my close friends or family not really thinking about what I was saying just repeating the same story over and over talking about it like it is something I had watched on the TV my brain wasn't processing things, I was starting to get cross, people were saying how sorry they were and crying, I just wasn't taking it seriously, I was just saying don't worry I'm honestly fine and really I was.

I was fine until about four days  after my appointment, after googling and googling my symptoms I just got really mad I went up into the bedroom and started throwing things around for no reason, then I cried, and I cried and I cried to the point where I felt like I couldn't breathe and everything hurt, I cried until I fell asleep.

The next day I decided that ninety per cent perhaps wasn't enough of a percentage, they could have still got it wrong, couldn't they? after all the NHS do get things wrong,  I rang the Breast care nurses and asked them what the percentage was of them getting things wrong, she wasn't very helpful she said the radiographers don't usually get things wrong (well she was really helpful she just didn't say the words I wanted her too) my mind went into overdrive if I wasn't thinking about cancer I was googling it, talking about it crying about it thinking about my life, was I going to survive? who would look after the kids if I didn't?

These stupid thoughts came and went I needed to wait for the results everything crossed the professionals were wrong!

 

I Found a "Lump"

I'm a nurse so you think I would be hot on checking for lumps and bumps etc but actually, I'm not with five children, a home to keep clean and a job to hold down, Its not something that takes priority. However, this particular night I had maybe ten minutes in the bath to be with my own thoughts, you know the time as a parent when there are no little people coming into poo or wee or just generally to tell you about some random story about school or how their brother/sister has stolen their toys breathed their air.

At that moment, that moment to myself I had a stabbing pain into my boob, which made me screw my face up in pain, it also made me recall how perhaps a few days ago or last week I had, had the same pain, I WAS going to investigate but something had always got in my way, the pain  at that specific moment was a great reminder I remember someone telling me that breast should be almost symmetrical in feelings, a lump in one should be present in the other as I examined my boobies gently next to my nipple there was a hard lump I checked the other boob and there was definitely only the one lump I pushed and prodded it a bit and actually it didn't hurt, I wasn't really worried, to be honest.

I mentioned it to Ian and he said you better get it checked out, of course, I was going to in a few days after I had done a million other tasks made a million other phone calls.

About five days had come and gone by the time I actually got round to phoning the doctors, I wasn't really phased by the lump, I rang the doctors and explained that I had found a lump the receptionist was far from sympathetic said it was probably nothing but would book me an appointment for in a couple of days, I get that doctors receptionists like all NHS workers are probably overworked, underpaid and is probably fed up of Doreen from down the road coming in with a runny nose or little Timmy,s  mum ringing for an emergency appointment because the have an infected nail bed where they keep biting them but honestly if they don't have the patience, sympathy or ability to be tactful they should seriously find another bloody job!

Thursday 20th June 2019 

My doctor's appointment is at 10am, Ok I know it's important but I would rather be at playgroup socialising or cleaning, I didn't have time to go home for the car, I have had to walk straight down after the school run with the twins, as usual, the morning chaos has made me forget to bring the girls cups out and a snack to keep them quiet (Don't judge me you don't know kiddie scraps until you have two, two-year-olds fighting) Luckily for once I had got my purse and there is a Co-op right next door to the doctors, I got them drinks and a small pack of chocolate kinder bars I anticipated one for the waiting room plus drink and one for the actual examination room.

After waiting for what seemed like forever with two getting ratty little girls, finally, my name was lit up on the board room 8 upstairs, here we go so somehow now I have got to navigate myself in a lift, not just any lift one of those shitty types that you have to hold your finger on the button that barely has enough room for myself and the double pushchair it keeps telling me light ray activated by the time we reach the top I feel like smashing the lift, out of the lift we go along the corridor the pushchair handles scraping along the wall because they are only just wide enough to fit.

Finally, we reach room 8, I knock on the door trying to push the pushchair in...... It doesn't fit through the bloody door, I have to get both the girls out the pushchair at which point they have both decided actually we don't want to be in this room and we don't like the doctor so we're now both just going to scream cling to mummy like monkeys and we don't want that chocolate you bought us were just going to scream louder in unison when you try to talk to us or reason with us.

At this point I just wish I hadn't come I'm trying to talk over the noise I explain to the doctor why I was visiting the doctor tells me to undress which somehow I manage to do prising one twin off then the other and sitting cuddling them both either side of me on the examination table, the doctor examines me I feel so vulnerable I think I would somehow prefer a smear test sitting half-naked with two screaming children is not a look Id go for again in a rush.

The doctor's verdict "your 36 no pain I anticipate its a cyst or fatty tissue I'm not concerned"
He went on to say they would refer me to the breast clinic because its what they "had to do"
I wasn't concerned either I just wanted to get dressed and get out its probably one of the worst GP visits I have had just because of how much hassle it was.

I didn't really think about the lump and I had tried to forget the GP appointment, the hospital appointment dropped through the door around five days later.

I have decided to blog my hospital experience and appointment in my next post as its another quite long one.

Stem cell storage - Cord Collection During Pregnancy

       

I have always had an interest in medicine and the human body right from being a teenager I was a closet geek collecting the human body magazine and reading them in bed at night time - I have never quite got rid of that feeling of wanting to learn more and there is always so much to learn about the human body which is why I trained to be an adult nurse. 

In different courses and whilst training to be a nurse I have touched upon stem cells and it is an absolutely fascinating topic - stem cells have the ability to potentially change into different cells that make up the human body which means the possibility of treating so many life-limiting and life-changing medical conditions. 

I worked in Oncology and haematology for a short time and stem cells were used to treat Leukaemia and Lymphoma which are both cancers of the blood I have also seen them being used when the bone marrow fails but Stem cells usage doesn't stop there stem cells are also being used to treat Sickle cell anaemia, spinal problems and cerebral palsy there is also ongoing research all the time to delve into other conditions that stem cells might be able to treat.

When I gave birth to each one of my children I knew there were options to have blood collected from the cord, however, nothing was specifically explained to myself at the time and it wasn't something that I really considered and it probably really should have been thinking about the research and possibilities now. 

Stem cells live in most tissues and replace themselves and other cells which are damaged and worn. We need them to maintain healthy tissues and their different functions. 

When you give birth to your child the cord and blood would usually be thrown away, really there is no harm in letting the cord blood be collected, The umbilical cord has two types of stem cells which can be collected. mesechymal stem cells which are found in the cord tissue which form bone cartilage and muscle cells and haemopoietic stem cells which go on to make up blood-related cells.

The video below gives by Smart cells gives an interesting useful and educational insight into how stem cells are collected and how amazing useful they can be for treating different conditions

    

If you are pregnant or planning on becoming pregnant it is something worth taking into consideration. When you have your appointment with your midwife or hospital appointment, ask the question even if your not completely sure about it, find out if blood banking is an option for yourself and your baby, it's then so easy to order a storage kit online ready for the delivery team to collect and store those all important cord cells. Which is a much easier method of collection than collecting them through bone marrows which is how they have previously been collecting them. 

It would be so great to see more women joining in with cord collection as its an amazing way of helping with research and future discoveries in medicine its well worth taking this into consideration or just asking the questions when going for your next antenatal appointment. 

Have you thought about stem cell storage or have you taken part in the collection process? I would love to hear your thoughts.

*I was provided with this video by Smart Cells and Netmums  

Sudocrem - A Letter to you

Dear Sudocrem,

So far you have been in my life for fifteen or more years. We were first introduced when I started working as a healthcare assistant in your dull grey pot a brilliance of brightness once opened with your thick white ways you could always soothe a bottom, a sore, most things were no match for you.

Then I discovered that not only were you used to soothe the most intimate places you could be used as a sunburn healer an acne healer an anecdote for eczema. In my days before children, before sharing a bed with someone, I would coat myself in a thick layer of you and wake up with a softer face one that was ready to face the world.

Since we first met oh how you have evolved, you were the first thing I knew I could rely on when my son was born nearly eight years ago, then came Sudocrem Care and protect in its smaller more modern looking tube - not as thick and bright as my old faithful but amazing to say the least you were there tucked away in every hospital bag I packed ready for their imminent births you were there first to protect with your hypoallergenic triple care ointment with just newborns in mind and then it was back to the old faithful to soothe their skin if they had been in the sun a little too long, you were there when they were teething and there skin was red and angry, you were there for my youngest son when his eczema flared up, you have been with us through many ups and downs in my life and parenting journey. I knew I could always rely on you and you could rely on me to recommend you to friends and family in there hours of need. It has been a long and emotional journey that still isn't over yet the twins are babies and the boys still need you, in fact, we all still need you for many years to come with your healing powers.

We have many more memories to make in our lives as a family and you are certainly an important part of our family, you are invaluable so we want to thank you Sudocrem for always being there for working your magic and making life just that little bit easier.

Sudocrem care and protect - helps to care for your babies delicate skin protecting it against the causes of nappy rash it's gentle and light so it simply glides onto newborn babies skin and can be used as part of your everyday routine at nappy change time.

You can read more about Sudocrem on my review over here its priced at around £4.00 a tube and is available to buy from all good supermarkets and chemists.

Back to School - Winter Cupboard essential bumps and germs Kit

Now the kids are back at school and the bad weather is taking hold, the germs slips trips and heads are banging together in force, we have already had three letters from the school advising parents to check your child's hair for those horrible little nits or should I say headlice.

To all mums make sure you have your Back to school - Winter cupboard, essential bumps and germs kit at the ready here is exactly what is in mine sent to me by Superdrug to help me show you exactly what you need and of course if I miss anything I would love to hear your comments at the end.

1. Superdrug - Detection Nit Comb RRP: £1.99, As I said as horrible as it is we have already had three letters from the school asking parents to check there children's hair for nits a nit comb always comes in handy as unfortunately these never seem to go away its a problem all schools seem to battling against.
2. Superdrug - Fix em Plasters - RRP, £2.99 How many times can a  child fall over on the way to school I think Liam racked up five times one morning on the way to school which of course ended up in grazes and ripped trousers so plasters are always good to have 
3. Superdrug- Savlon - RRP, £1.50, has a range of uses, Cuts and grazes, insect bites and stings, minor burns and stings, you can also use it for skin problems such as blisters sores and chapped skin this is an all rounder great to keep stocked up on.
4. Superdrug - Antiseptic wipes - great for cleaning up cuts and grazes and for keeping children's hands clean if you are out with all the bugs flying around prevention is key.
5. Superdrug Haliborange Mr Men Little Miss Omega3 & multivits Softie 30 - RRP £5.99  - as well as being a balanced vitamin they will also keep help to keep your child in good health so they have the vitamins to fight off all the nasty bugs that are flying around.

I would also add to this list tissues - plenty of them for those runny noses, a good chap stick, lypsil or Vaseline for all those dry lips and noses, a good carpet cleaner and sickness bowl in case the kids do have a sickness bug, its a horrible time of year and as a parent its better to be prepared with children.

You could win the chance to buy all of these useful things and more. You can stock up your winter cupboard with essentials by telling me what you would add to the list? what is you absolute essential for keeping the germs at bay let me know and you could win yourself a £25 Superdrug voucher just enter via the Rafflecopter below and good luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

These winter essentials were sent to me from Superdrug for the purpose of this article all opinions expressed are honest and my own.

(Please note that all entries will be checked against comments for validation).

The first entry on the rafflecopter form to leave a comment on the post is mandatory

All other steps on the rafflecopter form are optional. 

Only one entry form per person is allowed (however, you can tweet with the bonus click entry daily or use the free entry to increase your chances).

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Once the Rafflecopter picks a winner, I will check if the winner has done what was requested and I will contact them, if they do not reply within 28 days, the prize will be allocated to another person.

The giveaway will begin on the 18/09/17 and will close on 16/10/17 at midnight.

A Mums Guide - Coping with kids with a stomach bug

After the last few days of having a house full of sickly children and going through copious amounts of disinfectant, cleaning cloths and washing powder.  It seemed fitting to write about coping with kids with a stomach bug. Sometimes even though it seems simple when you have one child or five children being sick the task can seem massively over whelming from where do you start and what to do next listed are my top ten tips.

1.  Cleaning, Keep stocked up there is nothing worse than a child falling ill and you have nothing to clear up with, keep that cleaning cupboard full i'm talking disinfectant a cheap packet of cloths carpet cleaner a good air freshener that nutrilises smells and I always keep some disposable plastic gloves this some in handy for everything.
2. Have a designated bowl or bowls, you don't want your child being sick into your best baking bowl so set aside a bowl or a bucket specifically for stomach bugs. 
3. Stock up on paracetamol, most children will get a high temperature with a stomach bug I know not always will they be able to take it or keep it down if they are being sick but usually the high temperature comes before the sickness and carries on until well after your child has finished being sick it will make them feel better, help them to get some sleep and get rid of any aches and pains they might have.
4. Drinks, The last thing you want is the whole house with a stomach bug so try and contain it if you can with little ones they like to pick up juice cups and drink from each others cups try and be really strict and only let them drink from there own cup.
5. Bath time, this is not always possible if its the middle of the night but as soon as you can get them into a nice warm bath this will help calm them down and also it will wash away all those nast germs!
6. Hand washing, you cant wash them enough when dealing with a sickness bug the last thing you want is to be transporting the virus round the house I also always have a good hand sanitizer which kills all the germs 
7. Vitamins, this time of the year is a good time to give your child vitamins even the best eating kids can be lacking some key vitamins and this time of year with all the bugs flying around it is important to keep immune levels high - it isn't going to hurt to give your child a multi - vitamin a day.
8. Rest, having a sickness bug is absolutely exhausting if your little ones need to sleep let them while they are sleeping they are healing.
9. Re-hydration, it doesn't matter if your child isn't eating much food they will eat when they want to but it is really important to make sure they drink plenty of fluids to stop them from getting dehydrated 
10. You should contact your Doctor or Health care profesional if

Your child is repeatedly vomiting and is unable to hold down fluids

You think they're dehydrated – symptoms of dehydration can include a dry mouth, crying without producing tears, urinating less or not wetting many nappies, and drowsiness

Their vomit is green or contains blood

They have been vomiting for more than a day or two

World Suicide Prevention day 2017

I had a long hard think about this before I started to write, as its something that lies very close to my heart and for some of my family emotions are still very raw but I decided the right thing to do was to write, not to hurt peoples feelings but to help raise awareness of this topic because its something that still has a great amount of taboo about it and it isn't talked about nearly enough.

Despite the media and different charity's trying to raise awareness of this subject the stigma associated with depression and suicide is still very much real. No matter what the age or mental history when some one close commits suicide the feelings of heart break are incomprehensible and when you are a family member that has been left behind those emotions are so strong and so raw, you figure to work out why this happens so its easy to flinch away from the topic.

Statistics;

• 6,188 suicides were registered in the UK and 451 in the Republic of Ireland.

• The highest suicide rate in the UK was for men aged 40–44.

• The highest suicide rate in the Republic of Ireland was for men aged 25–34 (with an almost identical rate for men aged 45–54).

• Rates have increased in the UK (by 3.8%), England (by 2%), Wales (61.8%) and Northern Ireland (18.5%) since 2014 – however increases in Wales and Northern Ireland may be explained by inconsistencies in the processes for recording suicides in these countries.

• Rates have decreased in Scotland (by 1.4%) and the Republic of Ireland (by 13.1%) since 2014.

• There were 6,639 suicides in the UK and Republic of Ireland.

• In England and the UK, female suicide rates are at their highest in a decade.

• Male rates remain consistently higher than female suicide rates across the UK and Republic of Ireland – most notably 5 times higher in Republic of Ireland and around 3 times in the UK.

(statistics taken from Samaritans website facts and figures)  

My story.

I was seventeen when I first came across suicide of course I knew it happened but I hadn't had it affect my life. I was enjoying my life, living it up going out to nightclubs - when I shouldn't have been, I had just got my first boyfriend, I was working in a residential home for the elderly, my life was pretty busy.

That day I remember it like it was yesterday the day we got the terrible news, I don't know what I had been doing that day, I remember my auntie and uncle coming round to the house my mum and dad told us to go up stairs out the way, my mum had her stern voice on so we knew to get out of the way and stay out of the way. My Auntie and Uncle were with my mum and dad quite sometime, I could hear my mum crying, I knew it was serious before I even knew what had happend, she called us in to the living room she told us my Uncle had died, he was only young I didn't believe her, I started laughing, I think they thought I had gone mad. I guess everyone reacts to bad news differently.

It wasn't until later I found out he had taken his own life, he had been severely depressed no one had known he was depressed, he had meant to do it, he made sure he would succeed, he had taken himself off to a nature spot put a pipe through his van window. He had left letters for the police and his mum of the reasons why he didn't want to live anymore. which would remain confidential to this day, we still don't know the reasons why he did what he did.

Depression is an awful thing I guess he felt he had got nothing worth living for, at the time it hit me like a ton of bricks I actually didn't cope at all well with it, I couldn't understand the reasons why I thought about it all the time, was he lonely? was he frightened? why did he have to do it? I was angry as well I thought he was selfish I didn't go to the funeral I couldn't I was too angry.

In fact I myself became very depressed, I tried to have counselling but it made me feel worse I did't want to talk, I wanted to be with him I got to a point where couldn't cope with it all and I actually tried to take my own life and I wanted to do it the hospital made me better, for me only to go home and to plan how next time I would actually succeed, but thanks to medication and having a fantastic family, I slowly got better, I slowly got my life back on track, but as I write this the emotions that I felt at that time are still very much there and very raw because I don't understand it and I never will and its always hard to understand something that can never be explained, The only person that can explain it is not here anymore.

Then this time nearly a year ago another member of the family took his own life, out of respect for my family, given how very raw things still are, I am not going to go into details as it can take a long time to deal with a suicide and that is if you ever actually get over it it is such a hard thing to have to cope with never mind talk about.

Suicide has has a massive impact on my family and that is why I feel so strongly about raising awareness and encouraging people to talk and seek help if they need it.

How Can you help? 

Across the world more than 800,000 people take there lives every day. This years theme from the Samaritans is encouraging people to let others know that its Okay to talk sometimes just asking someone if they are Okay, taking that time to listen, when someone is feeling down and worthless like nobody cares, will make the difference between suicide and admitting they're not coping and that they are struggling with life itself so they are able to reach out and get the all important help and support that they need.

You can also show your support by using the hashtag #ITSOKAYTOTALK and help raise awareness of the subject to help break the stigma around mental health and suicide and most of all to let those who are struggling with life right now know that they are not alone there is always someone there who will listen.

If you feel you need help with this subject or you want any more information you can contact the Samaritans on there webpage www.Samaritans.org  or by phone 116123 this helpline is for people struggling the Samaritans are there 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, the phone number is a free phone number and you don't have to be suicidal to contact them - there is no need to be alone.     

                  

The #Chokeables, How to save a child from choking

As you all probably know by now, my job is as a registered nurse, however I am only trained in general nursing although when it comes to choking there isn't really that much difference in the skills you need, I do think its really important that as many people as possible know how to give treatment in an emergency situation like choking and St johns ambulance are trying to help spread the word of just that.

Everyone should have the skills and confidence to know what to do in an emergency. Knowing basic first aid can be the difference between life and death – and every week they hear of new people whose lives have been saved because someone nearby knew what to do. 40% of parents asked by SJA have witnessed their own baby choke and when almost four-fifths don’t know what to do in this situation so they have made a short memorable video, The Chokeables – featuring the voices of David Walliams, David Mitchell, Johnny Vegas and Sir John Hurt – that shows people how to help a choking baby.

In The Chokeables, the celebrities take on the characters of animated objects that could potentially choke babies: a small princess toy, a pen lid, a jelly baby and a peanut. They've joined together because they've had enough and want to show how easy it is to save a choking baby's life. In just 40 seconds you can learn how to give first aid to a choking baby. 

You may well have already seen this video and you might know what to do if someone starts to choke but other people might not so its well worth sharing it with friends and family spread the word, you never know it might help you to save a life one day.

To find out more about the #Chokeables campaign and St Johns Ambulance you can visit there page here

St Johns Ambulance are also giving you the chance to win a first aid kit.

This compact and handy first aid kit is great for use in the home or travelling. Filled with the essentials you will need for common accidents, it ensures that you are prepared for any minor emergency. Always a great and handy thing to have around.

Just enter via the Rafflecopter below and good luck!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

(Please note that all entries will be checked against comments for validation).

The first entry on the rafflecopter form to leave a comment on the post is mandatory

All other steps on the rafflecopter form are optional.

Only one entry form per person is allowed (however, you can tweet with the bonus click entry daily or use the free entry to increase your chances).

This giveaway is for UK residents only.

Once the Rafflecopter picks a winner, I will check if the winner has done what was requested and I will contact them, if they do not reply within 28 days, the prize will be allocated to another person.

The giveaway will begin on the 05/10/15 and will close on 19/10/15 at midnight.

Top tips for coping with babies and children with cold's #Competition

Autumn isn't quite upon us but, the horrible weather is and lets face it all those nasty bugs/viral infections are flying around like its party season. With that its inevitable that the colds are doing the rounds its horrible when you are suddenly struck down with a cold - you know the symptoms bungy nose, headaches, sore throats and aching bones, not to mention usually a cough and high temperature which lets face it can make you feel pretty unwell, so what do we do take to our beds? grab a bit of sympathy, take some paracetamol/Ibruprofen, walk the house at 4am cause your having a coughing fit you cant control, or grab a pint of water because your mouth is that dry you feel like you could drink the entire contents of the ocean and more alright so a slight exaggeration but you are probably thinking you know the feeling.

however for babies and children that cant talk, a cold can feel like the end of the world, they don't know that you have to blow your nose to clear it, or that in a few days they will probably start to feel better - a day for a young child is a lifetime an for an adult looking after a child with a cold 24 hours can seem like a lifetime and leave you looking around for those sticks to prop your eyelids open.

Im hoping this list will help you, although there is no cure for the common cold just having ways to manage them makes life so much easier so you can try and get at least get a few hours sleep and be able to function the next day.

• Drink Plenty - dont worry too much if your baby is off there dinners as long as they are drinking plenty for babies that are weaned offer you baby and extra bottle of milk or an extra feed on the breast if you are breast feeding, try and keep a cup with water, or diluted juice near by breathing through there mouths drys it out and will make them have a sore throat. with smaller babies you could try giving them a couple of ounces of water inbetween feeds to keep them.
• Rest - make sure if you little one needs to sleep, let them, as long as they are getting plenty of fluids inbetween.
• Raise the mattress - if your child has blocked nose, you can make their breathing easier by raising the pillow end of your child's bed or cot by putting books or bricks under the legs, or placing a pillow under the mattress (you shouldn't put anything under the mattress of a baby younger than one year old).
• Medicine - Liquid paracetamol and ibruprofen will keep temperatures at bay and will also ease there time when they are sleeping, make sure you follow all directions on the bottle

• Atmosphere - warm moist air can help with breathing and a blocked nose so you could take your child into the bathroom and run the tap or shower.
• Temperature - make sure the room they are sleeping in isn't too hot or stuffy keep clothing normal and use a thin sheet - also invest in a good thermometer this way you will have an accurate reading and if you notice there temperature is to high you can act. 
• Medical attention - Always seek advice from a doctor or medical professional if your child has any other worrying symptoms other than the cold it self also if you are unsure or worried better to get them checked than to leave it until they are worse.  

      Have you got any tips for treating a cold or anything you would like to share?

below there is a competition to win a £25 boots voucher so you can stock up on your, winter medication or save it for Christmas gifts the choice is yours enter via the rafflecopter below good luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

(Please note that all entries will be checked against comments for validation).

The first entry on the rafflecopter form to leave a comment on the post is mandatory

All other steps on the rafflecopter form are optional. 

Only one entry form per person is allowed (however, you can tweet with the bonus click entry daily or use the free entry to increase your chances).

This giveaway is for UK residents only.

Once the Rafflecopter picks a winner, I will check if the winner has done what was requested and I will contact them, if they do not reply within 28 days, the prize will be allocated to another person.

The giveaway will begin on the 29/09/15 and will close on 19/10/15 at midnight.