Being a mum is lonely

As I sit in the dark tonight listening to the 90s tracks on heart Fm, I am re-living where my life was before I had children the silence around my home is deafening my phone pings, I grab it a text human conversation .... no an advertisement.... I just sink back into the chair how did my life go from being a socialite to having three children and being on my own it almost feels as though it happened over night.

Before children my life was a diary of social events, days out, holidays abroad god I even had dates no I am not the greatest looking woman but I dated I loved meeting and learning about new people, it fascinated me how they lived there lives, there opinions and thoughts, I love to listen to their story's and some of the dates I had let me tell you had some amazing and awful stories, but I loved it, I loved to talk, I loved to dance, I loved that there was always someone on the end of the phone to talk to.

My nice social lifestyle is now completely gone my life is ...... boring, I am boring. no where in the baby manuals do they tell you that you when you become a mum you loose a sense of identity, you loose touch with friends, friends that you think are the best will slowly back away from your sicky smelling, sacks under your eyes, hormonal self, no one tells you that someone presses a fast forward button on your life a week sometimes feels like a day squashed into moments of trying to keep your eyes open and wondering how the house still looks like someone has thrown in a bomb -even though you have cleaned it for lets say the 100th time in the day.

Its so busy, being a parent even if you are in a couple, so how is it you have time to even feel lonely? people will ask, people will say "I don't have time to think about myself"
but you do and those dark moments wonder in, when your making a bottle, when you have that five minutes to sit and have a cuppa, I find myself dreaming of a life before children and when did it get so hard to make new friends, you would think other mum would be the ones to make you feel welcome the ones that understand what its like to be a mum, but do they make you feel better ... the answer is "No"  because no mum ever wants to admit that they are lonely, no mum wants to admit that they cry at least once a month because they have a yearning for a simple adult conversation, the thing is you can be in a room full of people and be the loneliest person there, which is how I feel when I visit playgroups and toddler time groups.

for the majority of the time in the conversations they are discussions of nappies and weaning or child toilet habits, it can be really hard to not feel completely alone, you may see me pass the lady walking her dog in the morning and say hi- lonely, check my phone -lonely, talk to the boys -lonely its a never ending day of feeling tired and being alone and there are days that pass where I wont even speak to a person over the age of five.

I know I am not alone, I know I have the boys for company and don't get me wrong I would never change them for the world but it does not mean that I don't feel alone.

I am sure that every parent at some point in there parenting life has felt like this. Think, look around do you know a mum that might benefit from a text, a phone call, a hello, that could be the start of a conversation, no matter how big or small it might be. Loneliness really is a terrible thing, next time you are on your travels or have five minutes to spare why not say hello, make that call, send that text it might be the smallest thing that lifts another persons day.  

Have you ever felt like this? how did you get through days of feeling like this?

Talking to children about death

Before I had children I had a huge list of things, that I as a parent felt sure that I wasn't ever going to do, and one of those things was talking about death, I truly believed that you have your whole life to take things seriously and to worry, I believed that worry shouldn't be put onto a child's shoulders, after all death is sometimes hard to comprehend as an adult, but when you are a child there is so much confusion and they have far more time to worry and become upset.

After Easter, the subject of death has become very popular with Liam, he had learned about Jesus on the cross and his resurrection at school and had lots of questions, for a while I tried to ignore the constant questions and I did the whole nice thing telling him that you went to the sky and you could play in the clouds, but to be quite honest I knew he didn't believe me, the questions were repetitive almost everyday, it was almost as if he knew I was lying. The thing is I wasn't lying I was just trying to protect him from something I knew would upset him.

Until this question "Mummy I could hurt someone and then they would come back to life"

It was in that moment, I realised you cant protect them or lie to them because it brings confusion and there was no way I wanted him thinking he could go round hurting people and they would come back to life like Jesus.

The trouble is if we leave children alone with fears and misunderstandings, they can grow and grow. We need to talk to children about dying so that the myths don’t take over, and so that they don’t feel isolated or guilty about what they think. It’s much better to have helped your child to have an understanding of death, funerals, burial and cremation before being confronted with these things when someone close to them dies. I have learned children are never to young to talk about death and dying.

Talking to a child about death and dying isn't easy, it is a difficult subject all round to approach but I have found ignoring questions that a child has can make a situation far worse, your child needs to know that it is alright to ask even if you feel you don't have all the answers.

1. Listen to the question your child is asking has even if you think it is silly, to them they need real answers.
2. Use language that a child can understand using words such as "passed away" can leave a child confused.
3. Don't tell them things like People only die when they're old, as it is not true and can cause future confusion and upset.
4. Try to answer questions as soon as they arise, as a child's attention span is limited.
5. Use life examples such as insects that have died or the leaves on the trees dying to show them that all things have to die.
6. Get your child to repeat back to you what you have told them so you know they have an understanding of what you have taught them.
7. reassure them it is alright to feel sad and upset, as naturally they are going to feel that way, just be there to support them by listening and talking through it with them.
8. If you feel that you don't know the answer to a question tell your child that but tell them you will find out the answer.
9. Ask them what they're thinking about what you have told them
10. Remember that children of different ages will differ in what they understand the younger the child the more literal they will take what you are say so be honest.  

  

I think the biggest thing I have learnt along the way from discussions with Liam is that I can't, no matter how hard I try, is to protect him from death. It is something that they are going to come across a lot through out there childhoods, whether it is a dead bird in the garden or a close relative or maybe even just and Easter story, but whatever the case maybe it is always going to be just as hard or harder for a child to understand as it is for grown ups.

Health; Depression and me

A few weeks ago I talked about a "shadow" what I was saying in not so many words was I am depressed, hard for anyone to admit, because of the complete stigma attached to the word, do people understand how your feeling? no I don't think so people will label you anything
"attention seeking" "miserable" maybe even "crazy" However you want to dress it up Depression is an awful thing.

How can I explain how I am feeling? Depression is not just a feeling of being upset that is quite rational, Depression Is more like a black cloud that sucks you in and consumes you for weeks/months maybe even years.
A part of me has crumbled away it has taken my self confidence my self belief I feel like I have lost who I am, I resent myself for feeling the way I do, for feeling like some mornings I don't want to get out of bed, Don't want to see the day, I don't want to talk.

I asked for help I knew I could not carry on the way that I was feeling. I felt bad, I was crying all the time, it wasn't fair on the boys. If there is any piece of advice I could give to people it is seek help there is nothing to be ashamed of nothing to be afraid of, you have to talk share the way you feel.
The GP has put me on medication do I feel better? I don't know if I do sometimes I feel like I could conquer the world and other days I want to hide from it. Why do people tell you when you are feeling bad to "snap out of it" "stop crying" "chin up it will all get better soon"  You know what genuinely I cant and I hope I will feel better soon but that light is still a long way away right now.

from day to day I don't always function normally it takes me all my efforts some days to do things, I have to really force myself, a fight against myself is hard enough work with out all the other things that life throws at you.

Depression does not affect everyone in the same ways everyone is different after all we all have different lives, different problems and different minds. I have become very good at hiding mine from the world, I can pretend I am alright, some days I do have better days than others And sometimes I am really happy, yes when you have depression you can have times when you are actually happy. depression however is not just something that can be lifted off your shoulders over night its a long grueling process.

Over the last few weeks I have practically thrown every ounce of energy I have at this blog. Why? because it keeps my mind active, it keeps me from thinking bad thoughts its my motivation, its also here so like now when I am not feeling so good I can put all my feelings and thoughts down in one place, do I mind that everyone can read it? the answer is no if I help one person from this then that's good enough for me.
 

Friends

As you all know this year has been a pretty rubbish one for me to say the least, But if there is one thing that I have taken from this experience is that bad situations brings out the best in others.
I have seen so much kindness from people. My family are a rock the amazing love and support from them I could never say enough thanks for, there always there when I cry, when I laugh, when I am angry, they're there with loving words of wisdom to help me pick myself up, carry on, to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel even if it doesn't always shine that bright.

Then there are my close friends. I am sure they get tired of the never ending phone calls when I ring and have nothing to say but I want company adult conversation. They never put the phone down, they listen and advise they make me laugh, they cry with me, when I am angry they are angry, because they care, because they have hearts of gold, they always go above and beyond for me and I will never forget. I don't know if I will ever be able to give back what they have given to me but I will do my best to always be there for them like they have for me.

There are also the people in my life that I have never met before, the comping girls I share daily gripes with, that are always there with listening ears always willing to help if they can, the few on twitter that I talk to everyday the bloggers that I have never met. Yet are all so willing to give me time to listen to me to give advice, I have met some of the wisest people I know through doing what I have done in the last year.

To the whole bunch of you, you all know who you are, I know you will read this because your support will carry on through whatever I do, I want to say Thank you, its such a small word but has such a massive meaning behind it, it almost does not seem enough, but I mean that from the bottom of my heart, I love you all and I want you all to know how grateful I am for everything.

Sometimes with life passing by so quickly, and with everyone being so busy we forget to tell people how much we appreciate them in our lives. Who has helped you recently? who has supported you? have a think and tell them, life is to short and goes by to fast.

School = Nightmare

Well here we are over half way through the week, School is just turning into one big nightmare. Everyday when I leave the house to pick Liam up from school I feel sick at the thought of what the teacher going to tell me today, I thought after last week he would of started to settle down but instead this week he tells me everyday
"I don't want to go to school today" and "that naughty lady tells me off"
Its really awful but all I can think is why does it have to be my child that is the naughty one? why does he have to be the one that's continuously in time out?

Liam is the child I think that is every parents worst nightmare. To have as there own and to have there children play with. He is the child that will snap your child's eye patch on there face when there a pirate, snatch there toys off them and throw them across the room, he would tip sand in there hair, and kick there sandcastles over. I shout at him to stop running away from me when were out he carries on, he runs into the road with out looking with out listening, I have to try and walk with the pushchair griping his hand tightly as hes wriggling, jiggling and crying trying to get free from my grasp, free so he can carry on causing chaos.
Other parents they stare at me and I know what there thinking, look at her she cant control her son, look at that naughty child, some tut, some roll there eyes, and others I have heard muttering under there breath.
It actually really upsets me to think that people judge me, they don't know me as a parent or my parenting skills or how I look after my boys, people see a naughty child and automatically blame it on the parents.
Is it my fault? No I don't think so I do my best to discipline both the boys, it just so happens that Liam chooses not to listen or to follow simple instructions he chooses to be spiteful to other children well to anyone really, he finds something naughty to do wherever he is.

Which brings me back to school, everyday the teacher is standing on the door like a bouncer, I am like that under-aged teenager again with no identification to get into the club, hiding my face trying not to make to much eye contact hoping today will be the day I get in or should I say that Liam has been good. Every day she gives me that disapproving look, my heart sinks I know what she is going to say before she has said it, Liam has been in time out today, Liam has been climbing on things he shouldn't today, Liam has tried to break the sandpit today, Liam wouldn't sit on the carpet today the list goes on.
Not only that Liam and his three year old friends have formed an alliance they are running around like wild animals bouncing off each others behavior like children do, they try to better one another, to be quite honest yesterday I felt quite sorry for the teacher she looked shattered I mean I struggle with one Liam I couldn't quite imagine having five or maybe six children like him in the same room!

I am really hoping that over the next week things are going to settle down. Honestly I am not sleeping at night worrying about what the next day is going to bring, or what the day is going to hold for Liam I have parents afternoon on Friday, I feel physically sick at the thought of it, but hopefully they will be able to help make suggestions of how we can work together as a team to improve things.
   

Dear Cold

I feel miserable, I definitely have a fever,                   

I think my cold has been delivered.

shivers and shakes right through to my bones,                

the pain in my head makes me moan.

A scratchy throat, and a tickly cough,
dear cold I wish you would just die off.

Winter is coming I need to turn up the heat,

and dig out my socks and blankets for snugly feet.

lemsips and tissues at the ready,

I know im going to have to take it steady,

Its my birthday on saturday I hope im well,

please take me out of this dear cold hell.

I know in the morning when I awake,

my bed will look like a tissue, snow lake.

For now I have no energy I can not write,

so tonight everyone im going to wish you good night.    

What is the most important thing you would teach your children about money? #thinkmoney

I don't ever remember my parents sitting me down and talking to me about money, I don't know how old I was when I realised my parents were not wealthy my dad was the spender my mum always telling myself and my siblings to put money away for a rainy day, She would always emphasise that she didn't want us to end up like her and my dad scrimping, in jobs that earnt minimum wage with no room for a career. However they did teach me that having love and a family could be far richer in life than having the latest gadget or a holiday abroad, Don't get me wrong we never went with out they did there best to try to buy us everything we wanted at Christmas and Birthdays we had a UK holiday every year and days out throughout, they would always find a way. By finding a way I mean going into debt not all the time but some of the time although it was never spoken of, out loud, I guess as a child or young adult you watch and learn.

As I approached my older teens early twenty's I realised I Could be a "Grown up" I could have a loan, Over draft, credit card, store card It was like I had won the lottery getting things for free and not paying for them. Large credible company's practically throwing there money at me to be spent, and before I knew it I was up to my eyeballs in debt the shoes that cost £100 or bag that cost £50 didn't look so appealing anymore, so what did I do? I spent the next few, well more than a few years of my life paying the money back, putting my life on hold. You see money did not make me happy in fact it made me pretty miserable for a long time. I do not blame my parents for my stupidity or the companies for lending out money as used carefully and in emergencies borrowing can be quite useful, I blame myself I was greedy I have learnt a life lesson the hard way.

I have been thinking long and hard about this, What can I teach my boys about money? I don't want them to make the same mistakes I have, but I want them to understand the value and power of money.
I have put together a few points of what I believe to be the most important things that I could teach them.

• Money is a highly important part of life, do whatever you love in life but if you haven't got enough to cover the basics your love wont seem like love anymore as constant money worries will help you to lose sight of this.
• Make sure you own your money don't let it own you while it is very important to steer away from debt where ever possible its no good turning into scrooge, life with out friends or family and social events will be a pretty lonely one.
• Save a little for a rainy day you never know when something is going to come up or whats around the corner
• don't be afraid to ask for advice about money its alright to have questions and its alright to ask for money in a job interview etc as they are paying for a skill
• Do not over complicate things, money is easy to understand if you manage it in the correct way.
• Money can not buy you everything, money will buy you a house but not a home, it can buy you a bed but not sleep and it can buy you education but it wont buy you wisdom, be sensible.
• Keep track of what you are spending you will be amazed at what you have spent your money on once its listed, small expenditure can soon add up into a larger amount you didn't want to spend.
• Money wont make you happy some of the richest people in the world are the loneliest 
• Money is just a means to an end remember to live your life, have fun, be happy, but be sensible when you need to be. When you're taking your final breaths in this world, you wont be thinking about how much money you have in the bank, you will hopefully be thinking of the fantastic memories you have made and the love from those around you which will make you the richest person in the world

Right now my boys are three and one they are both more interested in there wooden trains and plastic cars than money but one day they will be old enough to understand.
I hope when they are old enough I can show them this article. I hope they will learn something from it or perhaps like me they will make mistakes. As a mum I will always be there to support them, guide them and to try to steer them in the right direction. that is all I can do, I can not live there lives for them but I can try to teach them from my own views. 
What lessons would you teach your children about money? I would love to here more views on this interesting topic.

This is my entry into a competition hosted by Think Money  they have set bloggers a challenge to teach children ways to have a healthy and safe relationship with money hopefully my boys will read this article when they get older and learn something from it. to read the terms and conditions or to enter yourself click Here good luck to everyone who has entered.

summary of our week, Presthaven holidays review

Were home, the week has been to short I feel like I have blinked and missed the week it has gone by so fast!
But the boys have loved there week away and it has been one big adventure for them. Its a shame the weather was not better for us but typical of English weather you just can not predict it, I guess we were just unlucky to have had so much rain.

Haven Holidays

We stayed at the resort of Presthaven sands, which is in North Wales. On Arrival to the site you have to travel about a mile over quite substantial speed humps before you get to the complex area.
There is no actual desk to check in at, you have to travel through the arcade and food area to get to the live lounge where the staff are waiting they were quite helpful and gave us all the information for the week including a map of the park and where our caravan would be situated, The weather was awful heavy rain, but you cant change that, so we made our way to the caravan, after getting to the caravan, turning the key in the lock, making sure we had the right van (which we did) the key would not open the caravan door we contacted the staff and then had to wait a further twenty minutes before we were let into the caravan not a very good start to a holiday having traveled a long way, two tired young children being hungry and it heavily raining.

Once inside the caravan it was lovely quite clean and tidy two toilets one of which was a toilet bathroom and connected to the main bedroom it almost felt like it had an en-suite, the kitchen was equipped adequately, although had no baking trays to cook anything in the oven. We were very lucky that our caravan was only a stones throw away from the complex as the complex is a huge site (take a look at Google maps), I could imagine that if you were placed further away it could make things a bit more difficult so if you don't want to be situated miles away from to complex I would suggest ringing and booking rather than booking online.

The pool; - I have never seen such a dirty small changing area. The walls around the swimming pool were slowly falling to pieces. You had to grab a locker when you could otherwise you did not get one. The shallow end of the pool is not that shallow which meant that Adam could not stand at all in the pool he was out of his depth, being quite a nervous child it ruined his experience and mine as he was clinging to my side the whole time we were in the pool.

The mash and barrel;- We had a lovely meal the service was quite fast and the staff were polite, maybe the food was a bit over priced but I think at all resorts you always seem to pay extra.

The children's Play areas;-  Well what can I say! the outdoor area for the older children looked fantastic but the part for the younger children was awful the slide you had to climb up what looked like metal bars to get onto it and even Liam could not manage it without my assistance there was only one swing the other was two hanging bits of metal that should have had a seat at the end of it but there was no seat and a little house type thing that was neither here nor there I think for the size of the site it was far to small and inadequate.
The boys loved the indoor soft play area, we spent quite a bit of time here although it could get quite busy at times and I should imagine within peak times of the season would be far to small.

The live lounge;-We thought the drinks were fairly priced, getting a drink or a seat was never an issue, the children's gift shop was quite expensive and beware of the lady selling balloons £5.00 a balloon is ridiculous for a price of an average looking helium balloon. The entertainment seemed quite good although we usually went back to the caravan by 20.30 so missed most the night.

Entertainment and activities;- We did go to a couple of the sessions in the day and stayed out till around 20.30 but as a mum I felt like most of the activities are aimed toward children over five, there isn't much to keep little ones interested and entertained.
On the site there are some fantastic facilities like the high wire and the go-karts all at extra costs but aimed more for older children.

Overall Impressions;-
Good Points, The accommodation is great, the beach is lovely and not to far away, quite an adventure through the sand dunes. Food outlets are clean tidy and are what you expect to pay on a resort as are the drinks in the clubs, The spa shop is very reasonably priced and has a budget range which is great if you don't want to spend a lot on branded items.

Bad points;- The play areas, swimming pool and changing rooms need seriously updating they are very tired, not great for young children under five this is the same for the entertainment.
Around the site every bin that you came to was full of wasps. On the one nice day we did have that week, we only had the caravan windows open for half and hour and had four wasps came into the van forcing us to close all the windows again.

My thoughts; Wales is lovely and there is a lot to do and see off site, I personally wouldn't recommend this site if you have children under five, We made the most of our holiday the weather didn't help with it not being so good. As a consequence to the lack of facilities for younger children we wont be visiting Presthaven sands again.  

A shadow

hiya all i have been a bit quiet for a few days and I know most people don't like a miserable post but here goes....
I woke up this morning head pounding face hurting, Why? You ask because most days I cry sometimes once, but other days it can last all day like yesterday. So I didn't want to get out of bed but two little monsters running wild snapped me out of my daze,  I forced myself out of bed and a smile to say good morning to my boys. You see this is how my life has been for a while the only thing i get up for in the mornings is my boys. Let me take you back to the day I became a single mum I went to work to do the night shift and i came home to find the person I had loved had packed all of his things. We threw a few harsh words at each other, and he stomped out the door like a teenager, Me i crumbled on the floor, I have never felt hurt like it. My heart and my world were shattered in that one moment its one of the most painful memories I have in my life.
From that moment everything has changed I was a working mum I had a social life an extended family noisy evenings that heard a couple laughing & talking about there day. But now my life is a shadow the social life and family are gone the evenings are a mass of silence with only my thoughts for company sometimes good, most of the time black I cant see where my future is or where the silence is going to end or even when I will here that family laughter again.

I was one of the Ignorant people that looked down there noses at single mums and judged them on how they behaved, the way there children dressed or behaved but every day on your own full time with children is a hard job whether it is with one child or five, I hold my hands up to anyone that does it. As I know first hand everyday can be a struggle, simple things you take for granted when your in a couple just making a drink. eating your dinner or going for a shower becomes a massive task, that can turn into a battle of wills and by the end of each and everyday is pure exhaustion.
But do i want to go to bed to get away from the silence, no because I know when my head hits that pillow its time to do it all over again, I love my boys and of course I wouldn't change them for the world, Each and everyday is a battle but I am sure the darker days will get lighter and things will get better and I will stop feeling like everything in the world is black.

until next time Helen x

A dare devil child

When your expecting your first baby, you have dreams. What will he look like? Who will he look like? What food will he like, Will he love to read? Be creative?  what will he grow up to be?  We all ask our selves the questions.

When Liam was born he was such a good baby he cried for his bottle and then he slept he was rarely ever greedy and rarely ever sick, he didn't cry when he was bathed or dressed in fact from six weeks old he was sleeping throughout the night, from around ten at night till around eight in the morning he really was the perfect first time baby a mummy could ask for.

Then he hit six months old and started crawling, the rest happened in a whirl wind by eleven and a half moths he was a fully fledged toddler walking and my anxiety and panic about him having this new found freedom started. Like most children he was into everything all the plugs were covered over in a flash everything breakable was moved as is didn't matter how much you told him not to touch he always had his own mind.
At seventeen months he was monkey climbing the bars in his cot and pulling his mattress apart it didn't matter how many times he was put back into his cot he would be out again, Liam had no fear he didn't start to talk until he was around two and a half but he made up for his lack of speech in his actions. Everywhere we seemed to go he caused chaos he didn't care if he was with people he knew or not, he would see what he wanted to do and just run. He was covered in bruises his head where he would run into things or his legs where he would fall or try to climb things if I was a mother looking in from the outside, I myself would have thought he was a battered child, but of course he wasn't he hated kisses and cuddles Liam just wanted to do what he wanted to do, In fact when he started at his first childminding placement, because i could not remember how he had got the scratch on his arm or bruise on his head she reported us to social services, I felt like a failure as a mother and person and it was not because i was a bad mother he was just so active there was no way i could stop him climbing on his toys or throwing himself in and out of his ball pit there was no way you could log every single tumble he had Liam was just Liam.

Liam is always getting himself into trouble!

After Adam was born Liam became more of a handful. There was one particular day that comes to mind he had been playing with his Rory the racing car bag carrying his toys around in it, I had fed Adam and took him upstairs for his nap, five seconds I had been upstairs if not less, In that time he had worked out how to open stair gate, taken his little bag and gone out of the front door. You can imagine the horror when i called for him, there was no sign I found myself frantically banging on my neighbors door I couldn't just run to look for him I had Adam in his cot, the neighbor came out and then i ran to look for him. Luckily a lady had stopped him in the alley way which dare i say leads onto a busy main road and she had started to call the police I was just so relieved to see him in one piece and alright, Liam on the other hand was not pleased he kept repeating him self over and over "park mom park mom" So you see Liam is very strong willed and has tried to be independent from a young age.
Of late Liam's adventures and fight for independence get more and more daring, which is what led me to write this post.
You see this morning being a nice day, we have a huge patio door and as a normal thing I do when the weather is nice I open the door and let the boys play outside. Whist i tidy up the toys that have usually been littered everywhere in the living room.
Only this morning Liam and Adam had only been outside around ten minutes and I hear Liam screaming, "mummy mummy help me"
So of course i go running out to see what is going on and there he is sitting on top of the fence, fence you say, no our fence is six feet tall, How did he manage that you might ask, he had climbed on top of his little Tikes red and yellow car and climbed the rest of the fence and could he not get down. because after climbing the fence Adam had gotten in to the car and drove off leaving him stranded......

But he is safe for now, mummy rescued him which he likes to tell people quite often, as he is always doing things that he needs rescuing from. His imagination and desire to do more daring things never ceases to amaze me, but you have got to have eyes everywhere and never underestimate him. Liam will always have a streak of dare devilish behavior in him!
I would love to hear any stories about what you expected or wanted from your child or stories of being a dare devil like Liam.

Our experience of the School Process so far #BacktoSchool week

So here we are nearly at the end of the school holidays, not that this has ever meant anything to me before now, As Liam will be the first child I have in school. So with there only three weeks left before Liam starts his afternoon place I have decided to tell you our thoughts and feelings on the School process so far.

I am going to start off by taking you back to June, when we had our letter through the door inviting myself and Liam to a "Come and Play session", Now I know these sessions are a standard procedure across the country as a way to introduce children to the place they will be spending there next year and a chance for parents to ask any questions they might have, which in my case is usually lots. I was actually quite excited by it all, I read the letter out loud to Liam, he was just as excited bouncing around the room saying "mummy mummy I go School now" .....

So on the 4th of July i helped Liam to get ready, putting him in his best outfit like all parents you want you child to look the best they can especially when its going to meet other parents and teachers, I would hate for anyone to think hear comes the "scruffy child" or a parent for that matter I put my best casual outfit on did my makeup and hair! a proud mummy always wants to look her best.
When we got there we were all ushered through to the nursery and welcomed formally by the teacher, Into "F1" given a list of expectations and what they would need for when they are starting.
To be quite honest the rest of what was said wasn't quite heard as i was completely overwhelmed by the whole experience, There were children from both the morning and the afternoon slots, parents talking between themselves and i was handed a four page form to fill in whilst I was there not to mention an over excited three year old that was disappearing into a sea of children.


But my mind wasn't actually focused on that day at all i could think was how on earth did we get to my baby being old enough to go to school, its almost like someone has pressed a fast forward button and and time has just jumped I guess i know now that this is the beginning of his own future and having a bit more independence away from mum, he is certainly ready to go to school, I am just not sure that I am ready.