Twins, Should I dress them the same?

What is it with parenting? I don't understand why parents are so quick to judge each other, surely we are all in the same boat, we should be standing by each other not making each other feel like we are the worst parents in the world!

There are lots of debates when it comes to parenting. There is the age old traditional debate of to wean my child or not to wean my child, Breast is best that old debate never fails to get mums tempers flaring when you start talking about it - in fact I wouldn't even bring it up in a mums groups and if someone does mention the boob or bottle thing, I would make a swift move towards the corner of the room, the actual debate is never going to be agreed upon.
As a mum to five, three singletons and now a set of twins obviously I had never actually thought about whether it was right to dress twins the same or not until I had my own set, I didn't think it was that much of a big deal ..... how wrong could I have been? Should I dress my twins the same?

Apparently by dressing Twins the same they don't have there own Identity and will become confused about who they are as they get older or perhaps I am psychologically damaging them by dressing them the same?

I would like to say that I think this is absolute crap rubbish, apart from the fact my babies are still babies and are only five months old by putting them in the same outfits it is not going to change who they are nor are they going to get confused about who they are, My girls already have there own personality's they laugh differently, have different cries, one also is more patient than the other, personality wise they are no more alike than any other a child.

So why dress them the same? You might ask, you wouldn't dress other siblings the same, Well actually I do for photo opportunity's etc if I see a top I like for the boys and it comes in all there sizes I will buy one for each of them, but if they didn't want to wear it, I wouldn't make them as they have there own opinions and as my girls get older and have there own opinions they can pick out what they would like to wear, if they want to wear the same fair enough if they want to wear different clothes they can either way, I really don't really mind I do not think there is ever going to be a right answer and I will always fall into the category of mums for dressing them the same but if you can't make up your mind and remember honestly there is no right way or wrong way its all down to personal opinion and parenting but here is my list, for and against dressing them the same.

For dressing them the same 

Its convenient and easy,  When you are a twin mum having clothing the same in the wardrobe makes it easy to go in pick out an outfit and not worry over which baby to put in which outfit or which baby might look better. bringing up two children of the same time is difficult never mind if you have others as well so sometimes life has to be made easy.

It grabs attention, As annoying as it is sometimes when you are in a rush and people are trying to stop you to have a look, other times I quite enjoy people cooing and looking at the girls and I am proud that they're mine.

It will prevent arguments, As they get a little bit older if they both have the same there is going to be no arguments about which one wears Peppa pig and which wears Ben and Holly because I can garrentee while they are young whatever one wants the other will want exactly the same.

You can spot them, Lets face it if you are out and about with two toddlers and one does happen to wonder off its easier to spot one or remember what there wearing if they are both wearing the same

They look super cute, it speaks for its self when they are both wearing the same they look really cute!

  
Against dressing the same, 

Easily identified, if they are dressed differently its easier for them to be identified by teachers friends and relatives preventing the children getting cross when people get them mixed up because hopefully they wont.

Different interests, as they get older like all children they will have different personalities different interests and different likes and dislikes meaning they will probably want to wear things that express what they like or don't like.

Illness, if they are poorly and have to be admitted to hospital or are seen at the doctors if they are both wearing different there is a less likely chance the doctors will get them mixed up.

Individual identity, if you look around on google some studies suggest that before you can even speak you get some of your personality from the way you are dressed (I am not sure I completely agree with this) meaning they could get confused by being dressed the same so to promote there own identity you should dress them differently... my argument is what if the clothes you dress them in don't suit there personality you are not going to truly know what they are like until they speak.

What would you do? dress them the same or not? and why? I would love to hear what you think? 

         

You Have Got Your Hands Full! 10 quick Come Backs

Since having the twins I have heard this phrase "you have got your hands full" at least once a day but its getting to the point where I go out with the kids and hear it from at least three strangers a day and im not normally a negative person my glass is always half full but it is slowly driving me insane, I mean what exactly does it mean? That people think my life is really busy? That I cant cope? That I don't have any time for myself? Or are they implying that I shouldn't have five children that perhaps I am lazy or a baby making machine with no other life outside of motherhood.

When people say it sometimes I feel like they are looking down there nose at me, like I am, or have done something wrong, I usually just smile and say yes - I know people are probably just trying to make small talk and most but not all are not being rude, but I feel like an idiot just smiling and burying my eyes into the pushchair.

I am proud of my family every single one of them at there is not a single moment where I have thought I have got my hands full. There has got to be some better responses to use when people say "you have got your hands full" I put my thinking cap on and this is what I have come up with perhaps people will start to think before saying that god damn awful phrase.

• Feel free to take them off my hands for an hour.

• No there not, full were thinking of having some more.

• It just looks that way because I am small but I can handle a lot more than this.

• Yes but my heart is fuller. 

• Better than being empty.

• We just don't know how to say no. 

• Right? well I better sell a few. 

• We can't afford a television. 

• yep and I love every minute of it.

• Never a dull moment 

Its not easy being a parent, but as I will always say I personally would not change it for the world, so if your one of those people thinking of saying to a busy looking mum "you have got your hands full" try and maybe think of something more constructive to say for some mums a comment like that can make or break someones day. 

Do you have any more to add to the list? I would love to hear your thoughts? 

Introducing The Twins

The Twins were born on the 4th of April 2017 weighing 5lb2 and 5lb9 there is only three minutes in the age difference Demi-Rose being the smallest of the two but the oldest and then Eva-Jen are they alike? well I don't think they are anything alike sometimes they look similar and sometimes they look completely different and there personality well I don't think they are any more alike then sister would be that were born in different years.

Demi-rose never stops moving stays awake for a long time and still wakes throughout the night she is either giggling or shes crying she has the highest pitched cry in the world i'm sure she could break windows with it!

Eva-Jen is more chilled she just lays watching the TV or will sit still on your knee she likes a cuddle she doesn't full on have giggling fits yet like Demi-rose does and she only cries when she is getting hungry or tired she also talks baby babble a lot.

I get asked a lot or told that I have my hands full but to be honest there have only been less than a handful of times where I have actually thought that twin parenting is actually hard or that coping with five is hard work don't get me wrong there are days that are good and days that are bad but that comes with all parenting the twins have just slotted right into life it's like they have always been here the house is noisy but I like it that way! 

I will leave you with some of my favorite pictures from through the months with the twins.

  

Giving Birth To Twins

Giving birth to twins was never going to be plain sailing I knew this right from the very off, when I found out I was expecting never mind that it was going to be twins, You can read about my birth complications with Jack here  with all that taken into consideration I was petrified to say the least but I knew there was only one way the babies were going to arrive safely and that was by Cesarean section both babies were laying transverse (across my stomach) the whole way through my pregnancy so even if I could have had them naturally the doctors would not have let me.

I had a anesthetist appointment before my section date was given to me and the lady that seen me was the one who had performed my blood patch in my pregnancy with Jack and she was absolutely lovely she reassured me that it would be one of the consultants that did my epidural rather than a junior to make sure that it was in the right place and that my birth wasn't as complicated as Jacks had been. I came away quite positive about the whole thing still scared but not quite as bad as I had felt previously.

The morning of my C-section came I had two suitcases one of my own and one with all the babies having two babies comes with taking a lot of things. When I got there I was checked in they checked all of my general observations, took some blood and did a scan to check where each baby was lying I was still feeling positive scared but excited as well then the Anesthetist came to see me he was a different one than I had seen at my appointment he explained to me the risks involved in having another epidural and he also explained that he couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't end having another blood patch or worse it might stop working in theaters and they would have to put me sleep half way through my c-section. He then gave me the choice to have another epidural and take the risks or to be put straight to sleep which he thought was a better idea.

At this point I was beside myself I am usually quite a brave person but I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks I wanted to be the first one to see the girls I wanted to be the first one to hear there cries, I also felt bad for Ian as if I was put to sleep he would not be aloud in. He reassured me that he wanted the safest way to have the girls born and me well and whatever I decided he would stand by which just made me want to cry more. I had to make a decision and my decision was to be put to sleep. so I was, I was walked into the room like the other sections except I was laid straight on the bed they put all the drips Etc into me and within around 10 minutes they were giving me oxygen and the injection that makes you fall asleep, my last thoughts before I went sleep was Ian and trying to picture the girls faces, I also remember thinking please don't let me die, I was actually really scared.

When I came around Ian was there waiting for me the girls were in the little crib together sleeping and apparently the first thing I said was am I dead..... which I can't remember what I do remember is rolling around in pain, pain because I had not had the epidural or spinal block as soon as I woke up I could feel every pain so they set me up with a PCA (Patient controlled Analgesia) if I needed pain relief I could just press the button and I would automatically get morphine, I don't remember much of that day I know I felt awful, I had to stay on delivery suite because of my blood pressure and the pain relief my earliest full memories from that day start from when I was moved from delivery suite to the ward.

How do I feel now about the birth experience? I feel a bit cheated, I feel sad that I wasn't the first one there to see the girls or hear them cry especially since they will definitely be my last babies ever although they were placed in daddy's arms as soon as they had been born so at least that is a reassurance, however there has still been days where I think about it and wish I could have been awake but the main thing is that the twins arrived safely and well.

Toddlers and Tantrums - Terrible Twos

You Know when I spoke about Adam and his terrible twos  and Toddler Tantrums a few years ago now, I never thought I would have a child that was worse than him, Well I say worse but Jack is clever and a big boy, so big his feet are a size 11 already and he hasn't even started school yet he is extremely tall for his age, so the health visitor tells me and heavy too, but he isn't inactive he is a very active little boy he loves the outdoors, loves to be kicking a football he really is what people would define as a typical boy.

Because he is so tall and so big, i'm only 5ft2, I really struggle to pick him up, or if hes sitting on the floor it takes me all my time and strength to get him up, hes still a baby really and of course he still asks and wants like every child of his age to be picked up and cuddled from time to time.

His temper is beyond me, he can sulk for what feels like forever and pushchairs, well we bought him a brand new mamas and papas strollers, so when there is two of us one can push the twins and one can push Jack, however Jack is so big he can stand up on the floor when he puts his feet down off the foot rest so if you let go of the pushchair for a moment he is physically walking with the pushchair strapped to his back, he is honestly like the incredible hulk.

Jack also no knows boundaries with his brothers, he is forever snatching and taking things off them winding them up calling them babies, you see for a two year old he talks extremely well I know most mums probably say that about there children but he is my best talker out of the boys and so damn clever it gets me in trouble because bribery he does not forget ...., I of course only resort to this in extreme cases all of the time. Sometimes with the five children it is the only way I would ever get out of the door in the mornings.

Jack thinks he is two going on five it is a battle of the wills between myself and him and between him and Adam you see because Liam has Autism he has never tried to boss any of them around, its like Adam is the oldest child, however Jack is doing his best to try and steel Adams title from him and sometimes he does succeed poor Adam does not stand a chance when Jack physically picks him up off the floor and throws him or pins him down he is so much heavier than him.

He has a habit at the moment of laying on the floor and saying he cant get up or pretending he is stuck on something and cant get out also if you mention any sort of creature animal, insect or other he don't like it!

We recently tried potty training because he is so big we are getting to the point where nappies are getting too small and there are not any bigger sizes that fit, he was good when he first started but then the novelty started to wear off and we were having accident after accident and he was only going to the toilet because you pass the kitchen on the way thinking he needed to eat something every time he went which of course I was never going to let him do that, which in turn would turn into a full blown tantrum and me dragging him by his feet back into the living room, because I could not pick him up.  

Jack thinks he is so independent, I honestly hate the year of a two year old it is definitely a battle everyday, A battle of wills and lets face it parent vs toddler who can out smart who, I like to think I always win but this is probably not always the case as i think with any child of any age you have to pick your battles some are just not worth getting worked up about ...... My advice for any mum with a two year old is to take a deep breath remember the phases don't last forever even though it seems like it sometimes, Children grow up quickly but if you are still struggling here are my Top Tips.

1. Ignore, Ignore, Ignore, a lot of tantrums is for attention and because your child cant get what they want try where possible and if its safe to ignore them eventually they will realise they wont get what they want with there behavior 
2. Give them space if they want to sulk in the corner at the bottom of the garden let them sometimes like anyone they need to think and time to reflect.
3. Give them a hug sometimes a bit of hugging time is enough to distract them from the situation although I know we don't want to promote bad behavior but they need to let go of there emotions.
4. Distract them this is my favorite tip always have something in the bag a toy some food a drink anything that makes them forget about what they wanted, lets face it kids can turn on and off emotions like a tap.
5. Speak calmly shouting can often lead to a battle of the wills and your child will probably dig there heels in even more and scream more this way you may even be able to reason with them!

What are you tips for toddlers? Do you manage to stay calm? leave me a comment below I look forward to reading them? 

#Weaning Week, Food Choices

Food choices when weaning your baby can be a minefield, knowing where to start can leave you scratching your head in this post. I am going to tell you about different food options the best foods to start with, home made food and supermarket based foods.

Where to start and first foods?

 - Baby cereals and baby rice - a good place to start when giving your baby food for the first time is with these foods they are plain and just give your baby a feel for what the different texture is like.

 - Sweet vegetables - Babies naturally have a sweet tooth so give them the sweeter vegetables they will love them and they are a healthier option. vegetables, such as sweet potatoes, carrots and parsnips.

 - Mashed fruit - again its sweet babies love nothing more than mashed banana, cooked apples and pears or you could even try something a bit more exotic like avocado.

 - Ripe fruit - If your baby is able to pick fruit up give them some soft ripe fruit such as strawberries or melon

Don't ever add sugar or salt to your babies food.

Ready prepared baby food.

If you head towards the baby isles in the supermarket there is a mass market for ready prepared baby food and to be honest its always pretty useful to have some about it can make life easy when you are travelling about with a little one or several little ones in tow.

 - When buying any ready prepared food always check food labels if the food is not primarily made for babies it can be very high in salt and sugar, check and change to healthier versions if possible.

 - It seems obvious but check "use by" and "best before" dates.

 - check the seals on any of the packaging have not been broken.

 - choose the food that contain no added sugars or sweeteners, again you can do this by checking labels.

Foods to try.

Once your baby is established on there first foods you can start trying to introduce other food options into there diet foods such as,

 -  lentils (dhal) or pulses

 - mashed up meat, fish and chicken.

 - mashed rice, noodles or pasta.

 - full fat dairy products such as yoghurt's, fromage frias or custard.

Recipes

If you cook a lot of food at home try making meals so they are universal, meaning you are not cooking separately for the family and your baby main meals can be easily adapted to suit your baby as well as the rest of the family. most of the baby websites around such as Hipp Organic, Ella's Kitchen and Cow and gate have there own recipe sections to help you along with making your own food. Also Ella's Kitchen have several recipe books available that focus on baby made meals only.

  

Things I wish I had known before becoming mum

When I think back five years ago to having my first baby Liam, whilst I was pregnant I think I was completely in denial about the harsh reality that was about to change our lives, no one can prepare you for the chaos that bringing a baby home will bring, whether it is your first baby or third they turn a household into mayhem even though all the do is eat sleep and poop!

I remember at the time of being pregnant with Liam, I had friends that had just had babies, I remember them moaning about sleep deprivation, there boobs hurt, how horrible the birth was, there baby was teething and how it was difficult to find a spare moment to themselves never mind having a shower uninterrupted!

I actually thought none of this was ever going to apply to me, I was going to be organised... the perfect mother with the perfect baby that was an angel.

After over a week in hospital an emergency C-section and three days at home with a baby that cried a lot the alarming realisation set in I was very wrong.

There are so many things that I would now do differently and I do, do some differently with my third born but even still now its a huge learning curve, but from the first year of there life, these are the things I wish I knew before becoming a mum. 

• Waking up at 7am is considered a lay in.

• There are days when you will miss being at work because its easier.

• "Me time" is a phrase that is mainly used if you actually make it to the toilet do your business and get out alone.  

• The terms Holiday, feeling ill, bank holiday or Weekend no longer apply to you.

• Take A photo everyday no one tells you how fast the time goes by.

• It doesn't matter how good your baby is it will always take it will always make other relationships difficult.

• It doesn't matter how often you you have been up through the night or how grumpy, tearful or naughty your child has been your partner working full time will always insist he is more tired than you. 

• No Matter how much Ironing you do the pile never seems any smaller.

• You will have the washing machine on everyday!

• Babies really don't do much in there first six months.

• Don't spend huge amounts of money on them while they are a baby........they will definitely prefer a card bored box.

• "sleep is for the weak" this is not true, the actual sleep deprivation that new babies and children bring is actual torture.

• There is no other job in the world you can work 24 hours in a day and realise that one smile from your little bundle makes it all worth while, children are rewarding and an adventure every day.

Can you think of any more to ideas? what would you would add? 

Forget terrible two's, Think traumatic three's!

As parenting goes, I feel like with Adam every stage that he enters he is like my first child and I have never tackled or come across the "phases" before just because Liam didn't hit his milestones like children his own age were, he didn't do the singing and dancing the laughing at silly things when he was younger - However Adam, is he is just your average three year old child nightmare.

I haven't really hit a period like this before where I can honestly say I really don't like my child at the moment, but at this moment he is pushing every single boundary and Adam has been since he started nursery, you see Liam is a child that is a leader, its basically his way or the highway, where as Adam is a follower I'm not really sure which is worse to be quite honest.

I try not to argue with Adam because he has a very stubborn streak - probably like myself he just doesn't give in, it doesn't matter what I ask him to do he is "Tommy opposite" at the moment.

I find myself having to ask him to do things five maybe six times before he will even attempt to do what is being asked of him and even then it is usually half a job. I will say to him "pick your toys up babe its nearly dinner time.................. and here is Adams responses

-Adam

• "But my hands are full", 
• "But I'm tired" (forces yawn), 
• "can you help me mummy" 
• "I didn't do it" (he is the only child in the house) 
• "I have a cough" 
• "my leg hurts"
• randomly forces a cry because he doesn't want to do it
• asks to go upstairs because he is naughty
• "No"
• "I don't want dinner" 
• " I want Daddy" (turns on the water works)

You see, this is what it is like regularly, it doesn't matter what I ask ,he always wants to the the opposite, and it is driving me mad, clothes, shoes, dinner, breakfast, to what socks he is wearing to school, he insists on going to bed in his sunglasses and hat and if you try and get him to do any different he has always got something to say.

Not only that, he is going through the phase of he done this or she has done that, he likes to especially tell people about my "wrong doings" like he knows when his dad used to live here he didn't like me drinking out the bottle of Pepsi so when his dad rings he makes sure he tells him what I have been doing, or when my mum rings he will tell her, my mummy still has her pyjamas on you seriously cant get away with anything.

he notices when things have been moved, he notices if there are new things in the house, yes he is observant, not such a bad thing, but when it is gifts for other people you can be sure he will be telling them what you have got for them.

As I said previously Adam is a follower so a lot of his bad habits are easily picked up from school don't get me wrong Adam isn't perfect,  but there are things he has never done before then suddenly just starts doing them, like this week he came home and was stamping his feet when he was asking for something, he also started banging his head on the wall - he only did this once because I think he realised it hurts. I don't think it makes me a bad mummy to say I had absolutely no sympathy for him at all!

I really do think the Threes are far more traumatic than the twos not only do they still know the "No" word but they also know how to get around things, so they think they have the upper hand, or Adam certainly does anyway, I am glad these age phases don't last, hopefully he will grow out of this phase quickly but getting the discipline right for a child that seems to think he rules the roost at the moment is more difficult than you think!

My son was Suspended from school, he is five years old

The title of this post is shocking I agree, and lot's of people would say blame the parents, why not its always easy to point the finger, people will say they must not be coping or they probably don't tell him off or even that as parents we ignore Liam - But this is definitely not the case, if you have been following Liam's story on my blog you will know we have been fighting to get him help but every last ounce of help that he and our family needs to support Liam has had to be fought for even the school have let us down in many ways.

Suspension or expulsion for Liam's behavior was one of my biggest fears as a parent but after a meeting with the school around a month before this happened, the school reassured myself and Liam's dad that this would be a very, very last resort and they didn't like to do this to children of his age - quite rightly so I agreed. Liam hates school so taking him out of school would be ultimately giving him what he wants, which is not beneficial to him.

You might ask then, what did Liam do to get to a point where the school felt the need to suspend him, well nothing unusual really for Liam his favorite tricks spitting, lashing out, hiding under the tables and basically disrupting the class, the thing is no one goes into a job and expects to be abused verbally or physically by any other human being no matter what the age - however as I said in a previous post the school just can not cope with him, they're running out of behavior techniques to use with Liam, and they just do not want him in that school, the head teacher told me that it would "look better on his records" if they have, had to suspend him so he can get the help he requires, What I don't understand is why it has to come to this before extra help can be put into place - it might help them to look better on their records and school inspections, but on Liam's records he will be judged by it for the rest of his life.

I agree that Liam should not be a pupil at this school its not beneficial to him, to the teaching staff or to the other pupils, but they are just not helping. For Liam to move schools he needs a statement and a diagnosis and to get this he needs an educational psychologist report all of which he has been waiting for, for over a year now, it is up to the school to sort this out, which just does not seem to be happening for one reason or another. 

I think the action they have taken is unfair as it isn't going to make an already bad situation any better, you see all children like Liam are going to have a long road ahead of them, because they're just to young to know how to cope with their feelings and know how to control there temper, but I didn't count on every step of Liam's journey being a battle for us as parents surely the support and systems should just be in place to be able to access them when they are required for any child, but clearly the system they have in place is just not working.

      

An Unplanned Pregnancy #BlogBumpClub

Last week as I walked up and down the corridors in Accident and emergency - don't worry I wasn't hurt I was working, as most of you know its a job I desperately yearned for and somewhere I actually Love, I love the hustle and Bustle of the hospital it keeps me on my toes. I was summoned by a patient that was quite upset, I cant go into to much detail for confidentiality reasons - but she was really upset, she asked me if I would test her urine for her as she thought she might be pregnant, Of course I would it was my job, I gave her some reassurance and wondered off to carry out the test, as I stood in the little room where we carry out all of our clinical tests, it suddenly occurred to me, little thoughts whizzing round in my brain - I couldn't remember the last time I had a period, I was racking my brains trying to think, trying to work out if anything stood out in my mind as to when the date was, nothing I was completely drawing a blank.

But I didn't feel pregnant? my breasts were slightly tender but no more than usual, with the boys I was quite sickly in the first few months, I felt nothing had no symptoms at all - I couldn't be could I?
on my dinner I wondered over to the shop and picked myself up a pregnancy test, I was sending myself round the bend on what ifs - I needed to know and to be honest there was not one part of me that thought it could actually be positive.

I headed straight to the toilets and did it - weed on a stick, a bit crude maybe, but true I weed on a stick and then sat and watched as the urine worked its way up the paper inside the little stick - I was thinking please be negative, but as it crept up the stick there was no denying that the pregnancy positive line was there. I am Pregnant.

It wasn't sinking in, I spent the rest of my shift thinking, day dreaming, swallowing back tears, I had convinced myself, I could just get rid of the baby no one would have to know, but another part of me was already feeling that mothering instinct, like I did when I found out I was pregnant with the boys, an instinct to protect them and to love them no matter what.

It is the situation that makes me question everything, with the boys daddy, the same daddy as the un - born baby has, still not a part of our lives full time and I have just started a new job my life was moving on and now I feel like it is making a stop again.

I have told a few people that are close to me, most are quite cross with me for being so "stupid" for letting them down because they love me, because they want me to move on in my life and you know its horrible, heart breaking in fact, to tell people you are pregnant and no one says congratulations, the way that I have been thinking about things is this baby did not choose to be conceived but the baby was conceived, at that moment in love and it will be loved by me its daddy and its big brothers and the rest of my family once it is here.

This baby is growing safely inside my tummy and that's where it is going to stay and that is a definite decision I have made, I cant believe the other option even entered my head if I went through with a termination, I would never have forgiven myself, a baby is a joyous occasion or it is meant to be, there is never a right moment to have children, but it is not the end of the world either.
I also need to for once put myself first and not worry about what everybody else thinks. I am blessed in that I am lucky that I can have children, there are so many people that would give there right arm or leg to be where I am now and pregnant, I am going to cherish every moment and do what is right for me.

I haven't had an appointment with the midwife yet nor do I know exactly how many weeks I am but If I am right I think I am around nine - ten weeks already, nearly into the second trimester I know its still early to be telling people but I want to share my thoughts feelings with you all.

 "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans.” - John Lennon

       

An undeniable pressure - I didn't Breast Feed

I have been visiting many blogs over the last few weeks reading different stories of life, motherhood, tragedy, happy times spent amongst friends family and partners but amongst the posts I have been reading there were so many about breast feeding guides, buying the correct equipment and the lotions and potions that help you to not having sore nipples.

All I could think of when I read them, was that I didn't breast feed either of my children, was it because I was lazy? or because I didn't have the right equipment? the answer to both of those questions is no.

This Is my story of why I didn't breast feed and why there is an undeniable pressure for women to breast feed at one of the most life changing moments in life.

I was rolling around the hospital bed in absolute agony, as the bed was being ran down the corridor to the emergency theatre nurses and doctors either side of me, the baby (Liam) his heart rate was dipping he was stuck.

In theatre they dragged me over onto the table like a piece of meat, I felt like I couldn't breath, panic, tiredness, worry - I was sick, they tried to use the forceps - Liam wasn't coming out the only option left was an emergency C-section, it was my worst night mare, but it was happening around ten minutes later they had sliced and diced me open and there were these amazing blue eyes gazing around the room - he was in his daddy's arms I couldn't hold him, I was being stitched back together, they ushered dad and baby out of the room - I don't remember much else I passed out.

In recovery I woke up - attached to drips, shaking like a leaf I had a temperature I felt like I had been beaten up, every inch of myself hurt - the baby was wailing at the top of his lungs - he needs feeding a voice muttered to me.

The baby was plonked on my chest, as I grappled with him, I was exhausted, his long nails ripped at my bare skin as I tried to get him to attach to my nipple - he wouldn't he eventually went back off to sleep, I sat and wept in recovery behind the curtains, I was a failure I couldn't give birth, I couldn't breast feed, how was I ever going to be a good mum? when I couldn't do the things that a mum should naturally be able to do.

I was transferred to the ward a few days later after being quite poorly myself my nipples were sore where he wasn't latching on properly. I could not barely move I was in pain, tired, drained and very tearful.

In that moment I decided I wasn't going to try and breast feed anymore, this hadn't always been my intention, don't get me wrong I was a naive new mum, I had the breast pump, pads, nursing bras, lanolin cream but I had made my decision.

Why? because I was a new mum, I was just getting to grips with changing his nappy, getting him dressed and although I know in terms of health and the best start in life for your baby, breast is best, the support in the hospital for me was next to nothing, they just haven't got enough time to sit next to you and help you - not only that you're tired the baby is screaming because he is hungry and then to add on to the list of worries is the fact that you see everywhere you should breast feed.

What if you cant breast feed? or like me you have an emergency C-section and you are really poorly? or if your baby wont latch onto the nipple? Where are the posters that say - hey if you cant breast feed its OK you're are not a failure? where is the support for mums that really just don't feel comfortable enough too breast feed - not because they're lazy or don't want to but because they cant - There is no support.

I don't think its fair that women at a time in there life that is so life changing should be put under such an undeniable amount of pressure to be able to do something they cant do - we all know the benefits of breast feeding for ourselves and our child, but just because we don't want to or physically cant breast feed it doesn't make us bad mums or people.

I guess what I am trying to say to all the mums out there who cant breast feed or really don't want to breast feed, this is a massive life changing moment, don't expect to much of yourself, you have just had a baby, do what is right for you as a person and not what everyone tells you to do and don't be to hard on yourself just because a parenting style, or choice isn't text book it does not make it wrong.

What is your experience of breast feeding I would love to know if it is good or bad? 

                        

ADHD - And Ignorance, DO NOT JUDGE US!

I don't normally rant on my blog about things that make me angry and to be honest that's because not that many things in life make me that angry. So angry that I want to thump someone in the face or give them a firm shake and tell them to get there head out of cuckoo land - but what I read on Facebook today from the article to peoples views made me see red .

The Article that sparked the mass of stupid comments by absolutely ignorant people was posted by Parent dish titled "ADHD is a label not a real disease according to an American neuroscientist."  The Article it's self makes some valid points I don't believe medication should be given out like sweets, I think that each area of alternative treatment should be tried like changing diets, finding extra activities to occupy a child and if nothing else works then the medication route should be approached but with great caution.

I agree that ADHD is a label, I don't believe for one moment that it is a disease, I believe that some where in the brain the person has simply been wired differently from the rest of us. However this is a label that helps to cement the stepping stones that will guide children through the rest of their lives and to deal with there behaviors and difficulty's.

Who cares if it's just a label? Any condition that exists in the body or should I say in the brain like depression, anxiety, OCD and ADHD, they are all things that people can't see, that people don't class as an illness just because they can't see the illness physically, however this does not mean that the individual person is not ILL.

Just because you can't see anything physically it doesn't mean their label is any less worthy, than someone who has heart trouble or has broken their leg, the only difference is most people with a physical illness get better, those with an illness or disease that is trapped in there mind will probably be trapped with their thoughts forever and I think there is no where that could be more lonely than a person or especially a child that is trapped with thoughts or actions they simply can't control.

The Article I am guessing has been written to spark debate, however it wasn't so much the article that made me feel like I was boiling over in anger, it was the comments underneath - the article was a fine example of how people with a small minded existence look at other families another way to attack parents that have a tough enough job on a day to day basis and its the type of comments that will have mums like me and you questioning there own parenting skills.

Now I was going to post the picture on this blog post but I am not sure I am aloud to so here are two of the worst comments;

 "Completely agree. It's a label parents use who have badly behaved children!"

 "its a label that parents use for their lazy parenting skills and not being able to control their own  children!!"

The two quotes are clearly from two very small minded people that have absolutely no idea of what they are talking about - a very good example of ignorance in life.

Although Liam is not diagnosed with anything and may never be, he is a really difficult child he always has been difficult. I have two boys that have both been raised in exactly the same way, neither has more than the other in gifts or in parenting, yet they are like chalk and cheese I have one child that is reasonably good where as the other often goes out of his way to be naughty, to push every last bit of patience I have, I often think he strives to win situations or to manipulate them to get his own way.

Let me tell you its bloody hard work, my parenting skills are far from lazy in fact there are days when I feel like I am sick of my own voice, I am constantly on his back, to stop kicking, throwing, hitting, spitting even just getting him  to lick a piece of food, it's an uphill battle and the reason for the lick is because he will not put food in his mouth.

Saturday we went for a meal, after the meal Liam wanted to go on the park outside the pub. The park climbing frame was over 6ft tall and was clearly labelled for children over six only - yes there was a smaller climbing area for younger children, but oh no Liam did not want to play on that he wanted to go on the bigger area he was told NO, resulting in a complete melt down of screaming and dragging his feet.

At this point it was time to leave it took two of us to physically drag him back to the car, people staring, tutting and raising there eyebrows.

Was this down to bad parenting, definitely not is it down to Liam - I don't know, I wont know until  he has been investigated, but what I do know is most people who write comments like the above have absolutely no idea at all of what it is like to live with a child who is constantly badly behaved, parenting with a "normal" child is hard enough, but with one that has extreme difficulty's with behavior etc takes over your whole life and every morning you wake up it is a struggle.

My reply back to those comments is to think before you judge parents on what you're seeing in front of your eyes, you have absolutely no idea of other peoples or children's personal circumstances, some of this behavior just can't be helped and blaming the parents is just making their lives more difficult, bad judgement rubs off onto others and make the parents that have to deal with ADHD etc, have to deal with your ignorance as well, in turn making life so much harder than it has to be. If your opinions are of the above I would rather you kept them to yourself, it is clear that people are very uneducated and the stigma that goes with any sort of mental health issues are still very real - in 2014 its really not good enough.
I have personally read and do read everything I possibly can about conditions that could potentially be affecting our future, I would never ever make a comment on something I knew nothing about.

My son may have ADHD or Autism or whatever else the professionals may or may not throw at us but he is happy well dressed we laugh, play, in fact he is very funny and he is learning to become very loving - he is a very special little boy.

Do not stare when you see children having a melt down or an over exaggerated tantrum - think about how you would feel if that was your child?