Giving birth to twins was never going to be plain sailing I knew this right from the very off, when I found out I was expecting never mind that it was going to be twins, You can read about my birth complications with Jack here with all that taken into consideration I was petrified to say the least but I knew there was only one way the babies were going to arrive safely and that was by Cesarean section both babies were laying transverse (across my stomach) the whole way through my pregnancy so even if I could have had them naturally the doctors would not have let me.
I had a anesthetist appointment before my section date was given to me and the lady that seen me was the one who had performed my blood patch in my pregnancy with Jack and she was absolutely lovely she reassured me that it would be one of the consultants that did my epidural rather than a junior to make sure that it was in the right place and that my birth wasn't as complicated as Jacks had been. I came away quite positive about the whole thing still scared but not quite as bad as I had felt previously.
The morning of my C-section came I had two suitcases one of my own and one with all the babies having two babies comes with taking a lot of things. When I got there I was checked in they checked all of my general observations, took some blood and did a scan to check where each baby was lying I was still feeling positive scared but excited as well then the Anesthetist came to see me he was a different one than I had seen at my appointment he explained to me the risks involved in having another epidural and he also explained that he couldn't guarantee that I wouldn't end having another blood patch or worse it might stop working in theaters and they would have to put me sleep half way through my c-section. He then gave me the choice to have another epidural and take the risks or to be put straight to sleep which he thought was a better idea.
At this point I was beside myself I am usually quite a brave person but I couldn't stop the tears rolling down my cheeks I wanted to be the first one to see the girls I wanted to be the first one to hear there cries, I also felt bad for Ian as if I was put to sleep he would not be aloud in. He reassured me that he wanted the safest way to have the girls born and me well and whatever I decided he would stand by which just made me want to cry more. I had to make a decision and my decision was to be put to sleep. so I was, I was walked into the room like the other sections except I was laid straight on the bed they put all the drips Etc into me and within around 10 minutes they were giving me oxygen and the injection that makes you fall asleep, my last thoughts before I went sleep was Ian and trying to picture the girls faces, I also remember thinking please don't let me die, I was actually really scared.
When I came around Ian was there waiting for me the girls were in the little crib together sleeping and apparently the first thing I said was am I dead..... which I can't remember what I do remember is rolling around in pain, pain because I had not had the epidural or spinal block as soon as I woke up I could feel every pain so they set me up with a PCA (Patient controlled Analgesia) if I needed pain relief I could just press the button and I would automatically get morphine, I don't remember much of that day I know I felt awful, I had to stay on delivery suite because of my blood pressure and the pain relief my earliest full memories from that day start from when I was moved from delivery suite to the ward.
How do I feel now about the birth experience? I feel a bit cheated, I feel sad that I wasn't the first one there to see the girls or hear them cry especially since they will definitely be my last babies ever although they were placed in daddy's arms as soon as they had been born so at least that is a reassurance, however there has still been days where I think about it and wish I could have been awake but the main thing is that the twins arrived safely and well.
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