Thursday 29 August 2013

A shadow

hiya all i have been a bit quiet for a few days and I know most people don't like a miserable post but here goes....
I woke up this morning head pounding face hurting, Why? You ask because most days I cry sometimes once, but other days it can last all day like yesterday. So I didn't want to get out of bed but two little monsters running wild snapped me out of my daze,  I forced myself out of bed and a smile to say good morning to my boys. You see this is how my life has been for a while the only thing i get up for in the mornings is my boys. Let me take you back to the day I became a single mum I went to work to do the night shift and i came home to find the person I had loved had packed all of his things. We threw a few harsh words at each other, and he stomped out the door like a teenager, Me i crumbled on the floor, I have never felt hurt like it. My heart and my world were shattered in that one moment its one of the most painful memories I have in my life.
From that moment everything has changed I was a working mum I had a social life an extended family noisy evenings that heard a couple laughing & talking about there day. But now my life is a shadow the social life and family are gone the evenings are a mass of silence with only my thoughts for company sometimes good, most of the time black I cant see where my future is or where the silence is going to end or even when I will here that family laughter again.

I was one of the Ignorant people that looked down there noses at single mums and judged them on how they behaved, the way there children dressed or behaved but every day on your own full time with children is a hard job whether it is with one child or five, I hold my hands up to anyone that does it. As I know first hand everyday can be a struggle, simple things you take for granted when your in a couple just making a drink. eating your dinner or going for a shower becomes a massive task, that can turn into a battle of wills and by the end of each and everyday is pure exhaustion.
But do i want to go to bed to get away from the silence, no because I know when my head hits that pillow its time to do it all over again, I love my boys and of course I wouldn't change them for the world, Each and everyday is a battle but I am sure the darker days will get lighter and things will get better and I will stop feeling like everything in the world is black.
until next time Helen x

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