Friday, 11 October 2019

My Breast Cancer journey - The Results are in!

On Monday the 7th of October, I was called in to meet with my oncologist for the very first time, during my journey I have only had to meet with my breast consultant who is lovely I had been quite apprehensive about meeting him not just because he is a new consultant to me, but because it was in oncology - a place where I started my journey in the NHS I was a health care assistant there for five years before I went to do my nursing training I learnt so much there, I gained a lot of friends some of whom I am still friends with now, it taught me a lot about life and also a lot about cancer which I am not sure is such a good thing now I am a cancer patient myself sometimes knowledge is not a good thing.

I met with my consultant he was friendly and really nice enough I felt at ease, I sat myself down in the chair and I could see my results on the computer screen my OncotypeDX score was high which means my reoccurrence score is high, in a nutshell, I have got to have chemotherapy.

I have been really well since my mastectomy surgery and in actual fact the last few weeks I have felt a bit of a fraud having time off work, I have felt really positive and motivated somehow in my little brain I thought my journey was going to be over I had envisaged my score to be low,. I thought the oncologist would give me hormone treatment in the way of tablets for the next ten years and that would be that I would be skipping back to work before Christmas.

It wasn't meant to be I am now facing at least another four months off work, I have eight sessions of chemotherapy ahead of me I will have one session then a three-week break then another session then a three-week break and so on until I get to number eight. I know the chemotherapy Journey is going to be a long and gruelling one and honestly this week I have been in shock, I try to pretend its fine I will get through it and I will, I have to, but inside I just feel so sad and scared, I'm not scared for me I'm scared for the kids in the last ten years I have had four c-sections a hysteroscopy and a mastectomy and nothing has bought me to my knees I am so frightened that this is going to make me ill enough so I cant look after the kids.

The Consultant went on to explain some of the most common side effects, Nausea, vomiting diarrhoea, constipation a sore mouth and throat, taste changes, bruising or bleeding, tiredness and feeling weak, anaemia, numbness or tingling of the hands and feet, fluid retention, watery eyes, I will lose my hair within the first three weeks and I could lose my nails - I need to stay away from people with infections as my immunity will be low (easier said than done when you have five children that are walking bugs!) I also had to sign a disclaimer that says in rare cases chemotherapy can cause death - Its not surprising that I left the appointment and sobbed and sobbed I have just been so positive and felt so well - I just kept thinking Why does it have to be me? What have I done wrong? needless to say, I haven't really felt great this week smiling on the outside but on the inside, I'm cracking. Next week is a new week though next week I am going to find my motivation again, next week I am going to try not to overthink, I'm going to try to enjoy the half term with the kids I know I will get through this for myself and my family

I won't ever give up.


1 comment

  1. I am glad you are doing well after your mastectomy surgery.
    Good luck with the chemotherapy. It sounds awful. I can understand why you are scared. Sending hugs x


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