Being a mum is lonely

As I sit in the dark tonight listening to the 90s tracks on heart Fm, I am re-living where my life was before I had children the silence around my home is deafening my phone pings, I grab it a text human conversation .... no an advertisement.... I just sink back into the chair how did my life go from being a socialite to having three children and being on my own it almost feels as though it happened over night.

Before children my life was a diary of social events, days out, holidays abroad god I even had dates no I am not the greatest looking woman but I dated I loved meeting and learning about new people, it fascinated me how they lived there lives, there opinions and thoughts, I love to listen to their story's and some of the dates I had let me tell you had some amazing and awful stories, but I loved it, I loved to talk, I loved to dance, I loved that there was always someone on the end of the phone to talk to.

My nice social lifestyle is now completely gone my life is ...... boring, I am boring. no where in the baby manuals do they tell you that you when you become a mum you loose a sense of identity, you loose touch with friends, friends that you think are the best will slowly back away from your sicky smelling, sacks under your eyes, hormonal self, no one tells you that someone presses a fast forward button on your life a week sometimes feels like a day squashed into moments of trying to keep your eyes open and wondering how the house still looks like someone has thrown in a bomb -even though you have cleaned it for lets say the 100th time in the day.

Its so busy, being a parent even if you are in a couple, so how is it you have time to even feel lonely? people will ask, people will say "I don't have time to think about myself"
but you do and those dark moments wonder in, when your making a bottle, when you have that five minutes to sit and have a cuppa, I find myself dreaming of a life before children and when did it get so hard to make new friends, you would think other mum would be the ones to make you feel welcome the ones that understand what its like to be a mum, but do they make you feel better ... the answer is "No"  because no mum ever wants to admit that they are lonely, no mum wants to admit that they cry at least once a month because they have a yearning for a simple adult conversation, the thing is you can be in a room full of people and be the loneliest person there, which is how I feel when I visit playgroups and toddler time groups.

for the majority of the time in the conversations they are discussions of nappies and weaning or child toilet habits, it can be really hard to not feel completely alone, you may see me pass the lady walking her dog in the morning and say hi- lonely, check my phone -lonely, talk to the boys -lonely its a never ending day of feeling tired and being alone and there are days that pass where I wont even speak to a person over the age of five.

I know I am not alone, I know I have the boys for company and don't get me wrong I would never change them for the world but it does not mean that I don't feel alone.

I am sure that every parent at some point in there parenting life has felt like this. Think, look around do you know a mum that might benefit from a text, a phone call, a hello, that could be the start of a conversation, no matter how big or small it might be. Loneliness really is a terrible thing, next time you are on your travels or have five minutes to spare why not say hello, make that call, send that text it might be the smallest thing that lifts another persons day.  

Have you ever felt like this? how did you get through days of feeling like this?