Life has been so hectic over recent months, with the new birth of my baby son Jack and a lot of other personal things that have gone on, I lost myself in life I guess there seems to have been no time for blogging, living or anything else for that matter.
However one of the main reasons I stopped coming here was my attendance to BritMums last June, although I loved every minute of it there was ups and downs, conferences that made me cry and some that I laughed my head off through, I also met a lot fantastic bloggers especially, Lucie from Our World and Autism and Emily from Twin Mummy and Daddy who I really admire to this day, I felt I lost myself some where that weekend, I felt admiration as I listened to the other bloggers as they read out posts from there blog, but somehow I also felt like I wasn't good enough, like I was an impostor faking my way through, my writing wasn't good enough I didn't feel like I deserved my place there or even to be writing a blog so when i returned home, I tried I really did to carry on writing ignoring the feeling in the pit of my stomach but soon I had pushed my blog aside I didn't want to read it look at it I felt embarrassed that I had tried, embarrassed that my blog was failing, my confidence had disappeared and the less I looked I thought the feeling would go away like when you push something under the carpet.
After chatting with close friends and relatives, I have and giving myself a good talking too I have to take myself back to the basics and ask myself why?
Why did I start blogging in the first place? Why did I enjoy writing so much?
And the answers are so simple it was to record my sons lives to capture memories special moments things that we can all look back on, things that wouldn't be there if I wasn't blogging, I have come to accept that this is my place for my personal thoughts, that maybe will help someone else out along the way. As for Britmums I am really disappointed in myself that I didn't enjoy it more, didn't try to talk to more bloggers and came away wallowing in self pity so this year I will be giving BritMums a miss but I will be hoping to catch up with all the lovely lot next year!
I need to Blog for me, sometimes if it is only to clear my head its where I am and where I love and I am upset with myself that confidence has got in the way of that, but I am back with a brand new look thanks to Jade Alana Marshal designs who designed it and Jade over at Unique young mum who kindly installed it for me! with lots of things to catch up on and lots to write about so if you are still reading my posts Thank you.
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