Forget terrible two's, Think traumatic three's!

As parenting goes, I feel like with Adam every stage that he enters he is like my first child and I have never tackled or come across the "phases" before just because Liam didn't hit his milestones like children his own age were, he didn't do the singing and dancing the laughing at silly things when he was younger - However Adam, is he is just your average three year old child nightmare.

I haven't really hit a period like this before where I can honestly say I really don't like my child at the moment, but at this moment he is pushing every single boundary and Adam has been since he started nursery, you see Liam is a child that is a leader, its basically his way or the highway, where as Adam is a follower I'm not really sure which is worse to be quite honest.

I try not to argue with Adam because he has a very stubborn streak - probably like myself he just doesn't give in, it doesn't matter what I ask him to do he is "Tommy opposite" at the moment.

I find myself having to ask him to do things five maybe six times before he will even attempt to do what is being asked of him and even then it is usually half a job. I will say to him "pick your toys up babe its nearly dinner time.................. and here is Adams responses

-Adam

• "But my hands are full", 
• "But I'm tired" (forces yawn), 
• "can you help me mummy" 
• "I didn't do it" (he is the only child in the house) 
• "I have a cough" 
• "my leg hurts"
• randomly forces a cry because he doesn't want to do it
• asks to go upstairs because he is naughty
• "No"
• "I don't want dinner" 
• " I want Daddy" (turns on the water works)

You see, this is what it is like regularly, it doesn't matter what I ask ,he always wants to the the opposite, and it is driving me mad, clothes, shoes, dinner, breakfast, to what socks he is wearing to school, he insists on going to bed in his sunglasses and hat and if you try and get him to do any different he has always got something to say.

Not only that, he is going through the phase of he done this or she has done that, he likes to especially tell people about my "wrong doings" like he knows when his dad used to live here he didn't like me drinking out the bottle of Pepsi so when his dad rings he makes sure he tells him what I have been doing, or when my mum rings he will tell her, my mummy still has her pyjamas on you seriously cant get away with anything.

he notices when things have been moved, he notices if there are new things in the house, yes he is observant, not such a bad thing, but when it is gifts for other people you can be sure he will be telling them what you have got for them.

As I said previously Adam is a follower so a lot of his bad habits are easily picked up from school don't get me wrong Adam isn't perfect,  but there are things he has never done before then suddenly just starts doing them, like this week he came home and was stamping his feet when he was asking for something, he also started banging his head on the wall - he only did this once because I think he realised it hurts. I don't think it makes me a bad mummy to say I had absolutely no sympathy for him at all!

I really do think the Threes are far more traumatic than the twos not only do they still know the "No" word but they also know how to get around things, so they think they have the upper hand, or Adam certainly does anyway, I am glad these age phases don't last, hopefully he will grow out of this phase quickly but getting the discipline right for a child that seems to think he rules the roost at the moment is more difficult than you think!

My son was Suspended from school, he is five years old

The title of this post is shocking I agree, and lot's of people would say blame the parents, why not its always easy to point the finger, people will say they must not be coping or they probably don't tell him off or even that as parents we ignore Liam - But this is definitely not the case, if you have been following Liam's story on my blog you will know we have been fighting to get him help but every last ounce of help that he and our family needs to support Liam has had to be fought for even the school have let us down in many ways.

Suspension or expulsion for Liam's behavior was one of my biggest fears as a parent but after a meeting with the school around a month before this happened, the school reassured myself and Liam's dad that this would be a very, very last resort and they didn't like to do this to children of his age - quite rightly so I agreed. Liam hates school so taking him out of school would be ultimately giving him what he wants, which is not beneficial to him.

You might ask then, what did Liam do to get to a point where the school felt the need to suspend him, well nothing unusual really for Liam his favorite tricks spitting, lashing out, hiding under the tables and basically disrupting the class, the thing is no one goes into a job and expects to be abused verbally or physically by any other human being no matter what the age - however as I said in a previous post the school just can not cope with him, they're running out of behavior techniques to use with Liam, and they just do not want him in that school, the head teacher told me that it would "look better on his records" if they have, had to suspend him so he can get the help he requires, What I don't understand is why it has to come to this before extra help can be put into place - it might help them to look better on their records and school inspections, but on Liam's records he will be judged by it for the rest of his life.

I agree that Liam should not be a pupil at this school its not beneficial to him, to the teaching staff or to the other pupils, but they are just not helping. For Liam to move schools he needs a statement and a diagnosis and to get this he needs an educational psychologist report all of which he has been waiting for, for over a year now, it is up to the school to sort this out, which just does not seem to be happening for one reason or another. 

I think the action they have taken is unfair as it isn't going to make an already bad situation any better, you see all children like Liam are going to have a long road ahead of them, because they're just to young to know how to cope with their feelings and know how to control there temper, but I didn't count on every step of Liam's journey being a battle for us as parents surely the support and systems should just be in place to be able to access them when they are required for any child, but clearly the system they have in place is just not working.

      

Toddlers and Terrible Twos - There is no right way!

As a parent I don't think anyone can prepare you for parenthood, no one tells you of the changes and phases that a child will go through, some are great and some you wish they would disappear as quick as they appeared in your world.

When Adam hit two in October he was just becoming that little boy who was beginning to say no to everything - everything he liked, he now doesn't, that sweet boy that was smiling pointing and giggling at things has turned into some sort of monster that screams when you say no, bangs his head on the walls when you tell him its not dinner time yet, that throws himself on the the floor in a rage in the supermarket when you tell him he cant have a car, lollipop or anything else that has taken his fancy on that particular day.

Even getting out of the door on some days is a nightmare he wants to walk, I want him to go in the pushchair, he is just so slow, I am not a mean mum but when you in a rush it is just not practical to have a toddler walking or if you have a long way to go, so the battle begins, him tensing all his body arching his back, slithering and throwing himself about so you cant get his arms in the straps, screaming and telling me no, once in the pushchair he is crying and whimpering he is a baby again.

You see not all is as simple as it seems one minute they want to be grown up and independent and the next thing they are a baby again, its a battle of wills and frustration all round.

If I am going to give you advice on how to deal with terrible twos, I really don't think I can, there is not a right way, you could read every book or Internet article, they may give you hints and tips or coping strategies, but like most things you really don't learn anything until you are put in situations - I would just say go with it, I try to ignore the tantrums as much as I can, there are certain things you cant ignore like when they are throwing toys across the room, but attention of any sort when they are having a tantrum can just spur them on to do it all the more.

Am I a bad mum if I say I have tried bribery (on more than one occasion) to give him the need and want to sit in the pushchair - maybe bribery isn't the way forward, but in that split moment when your fighting with them because your already running ten minutes late, running late because they have decided they don't want to wear an outfit, you have forgotten there blanket or they have decided they wont have there nappy changed, it is so easy to say, we will go to the park, on the bus or to the shop because you know it will get them in to that pushchair and out the door - in the hope by the time you get halfway down the street they will have forgotten what you have said! I try not to use this method and I definitely would not recommend it but in moments of sheer desperation and as a mum times do try you, you will try anything to make a situation easier.  

Things do get better, although terrible twos feel as though it lasts forever at the time. This behaviour isn't going to last forever, it will melt away as quick as it has come and somewhere inside that monster that kicks and hits you and shouts no, is that lovely child.